Why a Man Without Meaning Cannot Show Up Fully in Relationships
Most men believe they are showing up fully in their relationships. They are doing everything right on paper. And yet something feels off. The intimacy is not quite there, the trust is not fully built, and resentment quietly grows.
In this episode, Lorin breaks down one of the most misunderstood dynamics in relationships: what happens when a man turns his partner into his source of meaning, identity, and purpose, and why, despite his best intentions, it creates the opposite of what he wants.
Lorin explores the difference between a man who has found his deepest calling and commits to a relationship from that place of fullness, and a man who is unconsciously asking his partner to give him what only he can find within himself. Over time, this erodes trust, produces resentment, and leaves both people feeling disconnected.
This episode also speaks directly to women, helping them recognize this dynamic and understand what is actually happening beneath the surface.
Lorin closes with two practical steps any man can take right now.
Mentioned in this episode:
Healing Your Inner Child
A 2.5-hour immersive workshop on why the same patterns keep appearing in your relationships, your work, your finances, and your life, and how to change them at the root.
The Awakened Masculine Program
A 9-week immersive journey into the depths of unleashing your awakened masculine power
Transcript
A man who has made a woman his purpose, his identity, and how she feels, such a man will be immensely irritated.
Speaker A:And such a man will also, at a deeper level, resent her.
Speaker A:Because there's just a thing about us men.
Speaker A:When we don't feel that we're doing something deeply meaningful in this life, we get enormously irritated.
Speaker A:And this irritation is a deeper intelligence, saying, hey, what?
Speaker A:What the fuck are you doing with your knife?
Speaker A:Welcome to the Core.
Speaker A:My name is Lorin Kren, and I'm the founder of the Core Method.
Speaker A:I work with people to get to the core of their deepest challenges in relationships, purpose, and life, and to create a real change at the root.
Speaker A:If you aren't subscribed yet, subscribe now, so you never miss an episode.
Speaker A:There is a big difference between a man who has found his deepest why and deepest meaning in life and from that place, commits fully to a relationship, to a woman, to a marriage, and the man who hasn't yet found his deepest why and meaning and tries to commit fully to a relationship.
Speaker A:The emphasis and keyword here is tries to.
Speaker A:Because a man, by nature, cannot fully commit to a woman if he hasn't found true meaning in his life.
Speaker A:Why?
Speaker A:Because he will turn the woman into his quest for meaning and into his quest for purpose.
Speaker A:And while that might sound noble, and such a man might do everything right on paper, have the right intentions, there will be problems down the line and actually commitment issues.
Speaker A:And when you think about this, it doesn't make sense.
Speaker A:And some people might say, well, why not make a relationship your deepest meaning?
Speaker A:And here's the key thing.
Speaker A:When I say this, I don't mean a man should prioritize his purpose and then, kind of as a byproduct, think about his partner.
Speaker A:No, my wife is the most important person in my life.
Speaker A:And if there is a challenge, that challenge comes first and not the purpose.
Speaker A:So we have to differentiate.
Speaker A:This doesn't mean a man gets buried away in work and the marriage or the relationship is only an afterthought.
Speaker A:Absolutely not.
Speaker A:All I'm saying is a man doesn't turn his partner into his sense of purpose, because if he does that, then he will mistake relational peace for inner peace.
Speaker A:Meaning he will become.
Speaker A:His internal stability, will become emotionally volatile if there is tension for a moment, which can be there.
Speaker A:There is imperfection in every single relationship.
Speaker A:He has no anchor, he has no center.
Speaker A:He has nothing to lean on.
Speaker A:And paradoxically, this won't make a woman feel that he's fully devoted and committed to her.
Speaker A:Paradoxically, everything that sounds right, seems right, looks good on paper, doesn't necessarily produce.
Speaker A:And produce might not be the best word, but for lack of better words, produce a feeling of someone who is fully devoted to and fully committed.
Speaker A:So the key is that a man, as men, we source our true confidence, our presence, our freedom, our ability to give love and our heart fully through service.
Speaker A:So there has to be a deeper service, a deeper mission, a deeper calling in our lives.
Speaker A:And if that calling is confused with if she's happy, I'm happy.
Speaker A:If everything is good in a relationship, everything is good.
Speaker A:If there is a moment of challenge or something arises, then everything is a disaster and I fall apart.
Speaker A:Then that's not purpose.
Speaker A:It's simply putting a weight on a woman and saying, give me a sense of direction, give me a sense of purpose, give me a sense of identity, and give me a sense of meaning.
Speaker A:And there's nothing noble about that.
Speaker A:It's not powerful, it's not conscious, it's not mindful, and quite frankly, it is putting a weight on the other person.
Speaker A:So here, when you listen to this, you can see that there is such a big difference between these two men.
Speaker A:And at the beginning, it is masked because a man can be highly charismatic and show up immensely, turning his partner into his sense of identity, sense of meaning and everything, the relationship.
Speaker A:But then later down the line, there will be challenges.
Speaker A:And what are those challenges?
Speaker A:Now let's go into those.
Speaker A:Let's get even more practical.
Speaker A:A man who has made a woman his purpose, his identity, and how she feels, such a man will be immensely irritated.
Speaker A:And such a man will also, at a deeper level, resent her.
Speaker A:Because there's just a thing about us men, when we don't feel that we're doing something deeply meaningful in this life.
Speaker A:And we get enormously irritated.
Speaker A:And this irritation, there's no excuse for taking this out on anyone.
Speaker A:But this irritation is a deeper intelligence saying, hey, what the fuck are you doing with your life?
Speaker A:This is not the best use of your time.
Speaker A:So what's going to happen is a man without meaning, then who turns the relationship into his meaning.
Speaker A:But really he's asking for identity, purpose and direction from the woman.
Speaker A:Will then resent the woman because deep down his system is communicating to him that he's not in ownership, he's not in his power, and he's actually disconnected from his deeper service, deeper mission and deeper calling in his life.
Speaker A:So he turns her into his calling and then resents her for not for fulfilling whatever he believes or perceives to experience, whatever sense of completion and fulfillment.
Speaker A:And she cannot give that to him.
Speaker A:It's putting an impossible weight on the woman.
Speaker A:This does not mean burying oneself in work.
Speaker A:And the marriage or relationship is an afterthought.
Speaker A:No, there's a challenge with my wife, it comes first, not my purpose.
Speaker A:This is not an excuse to bury yourself in work or to say work is more important than the relationship or purpose or some sense of purpose in life or a deeper calling or service.
Speaker A:It's not so.
Speaker A:That's not what I'm referring to.
Speaker A:And some people misunderstand that.
Speaker A:Just to clarify that, it's that a man has found his deepest meaning, his deepest why and his deepest purpose.
Speaker A:And that gives him an immense sense of fulfillment, an immense sense of energy.
Speaker A:His source's presence, his heart opens in his service.
Speaker A:A man's heart opens when he is in service.
Speaker A:That is why a man who turns his partner into his mission cannot really give his full heart, which means he cannot give and bring his full love.
Speaker A:He's disconnected and he's irritated because the relationship is not giving him the thing that only his deepest meaning can give him.
Speaker A:He's looking for the relationship to give him something that he needs to find and source within himself.
Speaker A:And the reason why this is so important to make an episode about this is because so many women confuse these two men.
Speaker A:And so many men who are listening don't understand why they feel stuck.
Speaker A:Why a woman might not feel fully cherished and that you are fully devoted to her.
Speaker A:And again, logic would say, well, I'm doing everything, and that's beautiful.
Speaker A:I'm not saying doing all those things is meaningless.
Speaker A:But I am saying that it's not about not being enough.
Speaker A:It's about not putting a weight onto her for something you can only find and source inside yourself.
Speaker A:Because at the end of the day, a woman, what is she really receiving?
Speaker A:When we feel disconnected from our deeper purpose, turn her into purpose, feel resentment and feel irritated.
Speaker A:What is she gaining from that?
Speaker A:What is she receiving?
Speaker A:She's receiving an energy that needs validation.
Speaker A:She's receiving an energy that's looking for something in her that's saying, complete me, bring me fulfillment, give me a sense of direction, purpose and identity.
Speaker A:And that is what a woman responds to.
Speaker A:Not everything else a man does, which might be really honorable, really genuine, really noble.
Speaker A:So let's get even more practical, because I see this all the time and no one talks about this or not anyone I know there are genuine relationships where a man shows up fully and the woman does not respect him.
Speaker A:Now, if you Hear this.
Speaker A:You might think, well, maybe there's a challenge she has not respecting men.
Speaker A:And that exists as well.
Speaker A:But it's not the focus of today's episode.
Speaker A:She does not respect him fully because he hasn't yet found true meaning and his own identity in this life.
Speaker A:So the woman, a woman cannot fully respect a man at the highest level if he's outsourcing that to her.
Speaker A:And it's not something she does consciously, doesn't consciously say, I'm not going to respect him right now.
Speaker A:But it's archaic.
Speaker A:It's almost primal or subconscious.
Speaker A:At a deeper, energetic level, she cannot fully respect him.
Speaker A:So it creates this paradox.
Speaker A:That's why a man must have a sense of identity, he must have a sense of meaning.
Speaker A:He must pursue and follow his calling in this life because from that place his heart is open.
Speaker A:From that place, he can fully choose a woman without putting a weight on her shoulders about giving him something that is not something anyone can give except him to himself.
Speaker A:Because from that place, the choice of fully committing and fully devoting is no longer compromised.
Speaker A:And I know compromise is a harsh word.
Speaker A:Listen, a man who tries to show up fully, that deserves recognition.
Speaker A:But it might just not lead to the level of intimacy that both desire and this is what this episode is about.
Speaker A:It's not about judgment or saying, that's nothing.
Speaker A:You're not good enough for any.
Speaker A:Which is a lot of our conditioning as men.
Speaker A:It's the last is absolute opposite place I'm coming from.
Speaker A:I'm coming from a place of genuine service.
Speaker A:And I can tell you that no matter how hard you try as a man, if you then say to a woman again and again, bring logic and say, I'm doing all those things.
Speaker A:Why is it still not enough?
Speaker A:I'm trying all those things, you're missing what's really happening.
Speaker A:She's probably very grateful for everything that you're doing.
Speaker A:But just at a deeper level, the dynamic is compromised because your place of devotion, your place of giving love is not coming from your fullness, is not coming from your highest power.
Speaker A:So the arguments that then erupt, the challenges, they all build on the wrong idea, on this idea that maybe he's not enough.
Speaker A:And she always wants more.
Speaker A:And there is an issue, and why does she always want more?
Speaker A:Why is she never happy?
Speaker A:Why is this and this.
Speaker A:But already the resentment is speaking.
Speaker A:We're not touching the underlying dynamic that is actually leading to this.
Speaker A:And that's the level, the root level.
Speaker A:When you shift that, you go to the core and from there the true intimacy and true respect and true trust can be built.
Speaker A:The key to say here is that a man who hasn't found his meaning, his calling, his why, his purpose, has no internal center.
Speaker A:What does he lean or rely on when life gets a bit challenging?
Speaker A:What does he lean and rely on when there is a relationship challenge?
Speaker A:That arms he will lean on her if he hasn't found his deepest meaning, which will only make her feel that there is more weight on her shoulders.
Speaker A:Which means that in moments of communication breakdown or relationship challenges, trust will actually be eroded.
Speaker A:He can't love fully.
Speaker A:She will never feel that he's bringing his full love, his full presence, his full depth.
Speaker A:Because that can only be unlocked by finding his deeper meaning and service in this life.
Speaker A:Imagine this for a moment as a man visualizes a woman.
Speaker A:I'm sure you can connect with this.
Speaker A:Imagine that you are deeply in service to a cause greater than yourself.
Speaker A:And you feel immense fulfillment through that cause.
Speaker A:You feel immense empowerment for it.
Speaker A:And then you meet your woman and you spend quality time with her.
Speaker A:You're fully present.
Speaker A:You feel alive, your heart feels wide open.
Speaker A:You're ready to bring and give all your love.
Speaker A:You're actually fully there.
Speaker A:That's at the deepest level, how it could be and how it is ideally for both, because that's where the deepest intimacy, emotional safety and trust exists.
Speaker A:Now, on the flip side, imagine this.
Speaker A:A man is not pursuing his deeper calling, has no real identity or meaning beyond hoping that she's okay and being validated through relationship peace or things being okay.
Speaker A:His sense of self sourced through the dynamic, any given day in the relationship.
Speaker A:And he resents her because he's trying so hard.
Speaker A:But somehow she doesn't fully trust him.
Speaker A:She doesn't fully respect him in the way he would desire to be respected.
Speaker A:He's not fully there.
Speaker A:He's disconnected.
Speaker A:He's in his head all the time.
Speaker A:And he can't really bring his full heart.
Speaker A:Something inside him feels stuck.
Speaker A:Something inside him feels closed off.
Speaker A:Who is that serving?
Speaker A:Not her and not him.
Speaker A:So let's get practical.
Speaker A:What are the exact steps a man can take?
Speaker A:And as a woman, you also want to listen to this.
Speaker A:Number one, identify what you really want.
Speaker A:Not what you think you should want, not what others say you should want, but what you really, emphasis capital letters, really want.
Speaker A:Most men have a tricky relationship with desire.
Speaker A:I'm talking about sexual desire right now.
Speaker A:That's for a different episode.
Speaker A:I'm talking about how they want to live their life, how they want to show up their Values, their virtues, their direction, what gives them meaning.
Speaker A:And most men believe, and have been conditioned to believe that they're being needy if they express what they truly want and desire in life, desire in a partner, desire in a relationship, desire in their purpose, in their work, in their mission.
Speaker A:And so many men just shut that down and they think that's needy.
Speaker A:So they no longer just express what they want, but what they truly want gets buried.
Speaker A:And then resentment builds.
Speaker A:And the logic is, well, but I'm doing all those things for you.
Speaker A:But there's nothing noble about that because you don't give the other the chance to actually hear and fulfill your needs.
Speaker A:And sometimes it might not be a need, sometimes it might just be aligning values, aligning desires and visions for the future.
Speaker A:It's so important to be able to own and speak your desire as a man, what you really want from life, what you what you want from the relationship.
Speaker A:But if you don't speak that, then you will take on the desires of others and you will call that meaning and purpose, not consciously, but unconsciously.
Speaker A:And that's living disconnected from your true power, integrity and sense of self as a man.
Speaker A:So jot down, journal after this episode, or pause the episode and journal down.
Speaker A:What do you really want from life, from work, from the relationship, or from a relationship?
Speaker A:If you're single right now, this will begin giving you deeper answers of where you are disconnected from owning your truth and actual desires.
Speaker A:And you have to be ruthlessly and radically honest with yourself, because if you're not that people pleaser or part inside you that believes having desires is weak, or others should just notice or whatever it may be, that part might trick you and tell you that's what you really want, but it might not be what you really want.
Speaker A:Being able to speak your desire and express what you really want is magnetic.
Speaker A:And with the right woman, it won't just be received, it will actually lead to deeper emotional safety, deeper trust, and deeper intimacy.
Speaker A:Step number two.
Speaker A:Identify your daily irritation.
Speaker A:If you are irritated in the relationship, always on edge, then that is something you need to look at because you might be living out of alignment with how you actually want to spend your time.
Speaker A:Irritation does not solely come from not living a meaningful life.
Speaker A:But very often irritation is a direct response or reaction to not living with true meaning, intent, depth, presence, service and love.
Speaker A:So if a man has zero direction, ambitions, goals, he's working on nothing, he will just wake up and his sense of self will be like the wind.
Speaker A:And he might be there physically, but she won't feel that he's truly there with her.
Speaker A:So you need to identify that as a man and as a woman listening.
Speaker A:You might already have been in relationships like that, or it might be happening in your current where he's always on edge and always irritated.
Speaker A:And it might be because he's out of alignment and disconnected with true meaning in his life.
Speaker A:And this doesn't mean he goes off and works 16 hours and only has an hour for you.
Speaker A:No, absolutely not.
Speaker A:But there needs to be something deeply meaningful, a service to something greater than himself.
Speaker A:So as a man, if you can identify these irritations, treat them as intelligence.
Speaker A:They are your system communicating something to you.
Speaker A:Don't blame her for your irritations.
Speaker A:Look inside and ask yourself, what is not in alignment in my life?
Speaker A:How am I spending my time?
Speaker A:And is that truly the most meaningful way of spending my time?
Speaker A:Deeper answers will emerge.
Speaker A:One last element here, which is important, which is to what I spoke at the beginning and throughout, is this idea of the relationship also being part of a higher purpose.
Speaker A:The relationship and your partner is the highest priority.
Speaker A:The relationship is also a higher purpose.
Speaker A:The mission and service or meaning does not come first, but it's the place where a man sources his true power and where he's able to open his heart to give to his loved ones fully.
Speaker A:That is, in a nutshell, the whole mechanism and deeper underlying truth explained.
Speaker A:And when you understand this as a man, then you can truly and fully show up in a relationship.
Speaker A:Otherwise you will mistake seeking validation, constantly scanning your partner, sourcing your purpose, identity, meaning and sense of self from a relationship.
Speaker A:And that is unstable.
Speaker A:Not because the relationship is unstable, but because it's not the container that is supposed to give you the thing you can only find deep in your heart and soul.
Speaker A:Thank you for listening to this episode.
Speaker A:If this episode has resonated with you, make sure to subscribe now so you never miss an episode.
Speaker A:It is a true honor to support you on your path.
Speaker A:Thank you for being here.
