Healing Your Intimate Life
When safety, consistency and genuine love become more attractive than the pull of strong and unsafe chemistry, then you can begin to heal your intimate life. In this episode, Lorin explores the two key components of healing an intimate life: clarity and discerning between your eroticised wounds and your heart's true yearning.
Mentioned in this episode:
The Deep Polarity Program
An 8-week immersive journey to unlock the deepest intimacy through masculine & feminine dynamics.
Transcript
A few weeks ago, I posted something on Instagram that landed
Speaker:really well for many of you.
Speaker:And it says the following.
Speaker:Healing in your intimate life means when safety, consistency and genuine
Speaker:love become more attractive than the pull of strong and unsafe chemistry.
Speaker:And I've decided to make an entire podcast episode about healing your intimate life.
Speaker:Today.
Speaker:I'm gonna talk about the two key things you need in order
Speaker:to heal in your intimate life.
Speaker:My name is Lorin Krenn and I am the host of this podcast.
Speaker:My mission is to help people experience deep intimacy for the power of
Speaker:masculine and feminine polarity.
Speaker:Let's drop in.
Speaker:There are so many factors that come into play when it comes
Speaker:to healing in our intimate.
Speaker:I cannot cover all of them in a podcast episode, unless I record this episode
Speaker:throughout several days nonstop , but today I'm going to focus on the two
Speaker:key things that you need to understand, to integrate, to practice with in
Speaker:order to heal in your intimate life, in order to experience deep intimacy.
Speaker:Intimacy that truly resembles your heart's deepest yearning.
Speaker:Number one is creating clarity in your heart.
Speaker:And I'm gonna explain at a really practical level what this means.
Speaker:I teach about this in all my groups, the importance of gaining, or rather better
Speaker:to say creating clarity inside your heart.
Speaker:This is key in order to experience the intimate life you yearn for, to
Speaker:attract a conscious partner and not a partner based on your eroticized wounds.
Speaker:An eroticized wound is when we bypass the safety of our heart for sexual
Speaker:pleasure or any other form of pleasure.
Speaker:So we start to put pleasure on a pedestal and safety and being met in our heart's
Speaker:truth suddenly become irrelevant or become less important, even though it is the most
Speaker:important thing in order to experience the intimacy your heart truly yearns for.
Speaker:I call it deep intimacy.
Speaker:Now, back to the definition, this is my personal definition.
Speaker:Um, and I came up with this definition when I was asked in a past workshop
Speaker:about, can you define what an eroticized wound is in one sentence?
Speaker:So let me repeat that one more time.
Speaker:You can write, so you can write this down and integrate this because
Speaker:this is fucking life changing.
Speaker:Fucking fucking it's so great that I can swear in this episode on other
Speaker:social media channels, you can't swear.
Speaker:Um, but here I can swear, and I just need to exercise the swearing muscle.
Speaker:So an eroticized wound is when we bypass the safety of our heart for sexual
Speaker:pleasure or any other form of pleasure.
Speaker:We start to put pleasure on a pedestal and safety or being met in our heart's
Speaker:truth become irrelevant or less important.
Speaker:Now, most of us, when it comes to creating clarity in our heart, to make this
Speaker:really practical, most of us don't know.
Speaker:What we actually want in a relationship.
Speaker:We don't know what is uniquely important to us.
Speaker:We might read stuff.
Speaker:We might look at posts that say green flags, red flags and read articles.
Speaker:And, and, and.
Speaker:But still we haven't really connected to what is uniquely important to us because
Speaker:every person has something that is very uniquely important to them, has very
Speaker:unique needs and especially how these needs are expressed, are fulfilled.
Speaker:And that is a whole other topic.
Speaker:When we're talking about needs that come from your shadow or needs that are truly
Speaker:born from your heart that are truthful.
Speaker:That is a whole other episode.
Speaker:But let me know on Instagram or on TikTok or, or where any other, wherever
Speaker:you find me about whether you would like me to record a podcast episode
Speaker:about what's the difference between healthy needs and needs from our shadow.
Speaker:Most of us don't know what we want in a relationship.
Speaker:We don't know what is uniquely important to us.
Speaker:And we don't have a relationship vision.
Speaker:I teach about the relationship, vision embodiment practices, for
Speaker:instance, in my Polarity program.
Speaker:Now, if you don't know what it is that you want to create, if you don't
Speaker:have a relationship vision, similar to having a life vision, what it is
Speaker:that you want to create, how you want to be uniquely in service for the
Speaker:medicine and the gifts of your soul.
Speaker:Similar to that, right.
Speaker:But if you don't know what it is that you want to create, because you are a creator,
Speaker:then external factors will decide for you.
Speaker:Your conditioning, your limiting beliefs will decide for you.
Speaker:So basically you are leaving the fate of your relationship or intimate life
Speaker:up to fucking external factors, your conditioning, any external influences.
Speaker:And most of the time, these external influences are not in contribution to
Speaker:our heart safety, our heart's truth.
Speaker:I'm fucking passionate right now because I'm just passionate about this.
Speaker:What can I do?
Speaker:It just flows from me this ancient fire.
Speaker:But, um, again, you are a creator and you're always creating whatever
Speaker:you think you're doing, right?
Speaker:You cannot, you cannot relieve yourself of.
Speaker:Well, some seed is a burden, but in actually it is your power.
Speaker:You're always creating, you can't stop creating.
Speaker:You're always creating in each moment.
Speaker:And you have to use that to your advantage.
Speaker:Otherwise, it's going to be used to your disadvantage because outside things, you
Speaker:are limiting beliefs, everything that does not resemble your heart's deepest yearning
Speaker:will decide the fate of your relationship or the fate of your intimate life.
Speaker:What is the solution to this?
Speaker:You need to be intimately connected to the deepest desire of your heart.
Speaker:If you are not intimately connected with it, then your heart will
Speaker:not be clear in relationships.
Speaker:And if you are not showing up with a clear heart in relationships,
Speaker:then it's going to be a mess.
Speaker:It's going to be a freaking mess.
Speaker:Let's make this more practical.
Speaker:so I personally choose to be in a highly committed, devoted
Speaker:and monogamous relationship.
Speaker:And I knew that before I met my woman, my fiance Liliana, and we both
Speaker:expressed our heart's desire from the beginning of our relationship.
Speaker:You can almost see this as the foundation, the building block
Speaker:of our or the relationship, because now we have a vision.
Speaker:We have something to build upon, to create, to envision.
Speaker:But now imagine you get together with someone and that is not clear.
Speaker:You or them, or both of are not connected intimately to the
Speaker:deepest desire and truthful desire.
Speaker:We're gonna talk about the sexual shadow and eroticized wounds in just
Speaker:a bit, but the truthful desire in your heart guess what's going to happen?
Speaker:A mess is going to be happen.
Speaker:It's like building a house on sand.
Speaker:Your foundation is going to waiver, because without a foundation without a
Speaker:clarity around your heart's desire and shared relationship vision, right, does
Speaker:that relationship, vision intertwine with what they truly want to create?
Speaker:And this doesn't have to be the exact words, the exact language, but at the
Speaker:core, it has to be something similar otherwise, you have no foundation.
Speaker:You also then stand no chance against the storms of life, the complexity
Speaker:and intensity of being in deep union, in facing our shadow, our wounds that
Speaker:naturally will come up all the time and stand in the way of deepening
Speaker:the love, deepening the trust, deepening the intimacy and polarity.
Speaker:This is our conscious work day in and day out.
Speaker:When we are in a relationship, it is to do everything necessary to overcome
Speaker:work through integrate process that these things don't stand in the way of
Speaker:deepening that love, deepening the trust, deepening the intimacy and polarity.
Speaker:Otherwise we become stagnant.
Speaker:And when we become stagnant, we are no longer fulfilling our evolutionary
Speaker:purpose, which is to evolve.
Speaker:So only when a relationship is evolving, when you're both evolving in
Speaker:consciousness is the byproduct of that is.
Speaker:Intimacy is strong polarity, is strong, passion and love, but if you're stagnant,
Speaker:that will waver, and this is why so many relationships do no longer experience
Speaker:passionate sex, do no longer experience any fucking passion on any level.
Speaker:And having clarity in your heart is not just about being connected
Speaker:to your heart's deepest yearning.
Speaker:It also has to do with whether your heart is still entangled
Speaker:with the energy of past lovers.
Speaker:Some of you might have already heard that I have a somewhat controversial
Speaker:stance around keeping energetic ties with ex-partners or ex lovers.
Speaker:And what I mean by not keeping energetic ties with ex-partners is not ghost them.
Speaker:Just cut them radically out of your life and ignore and block them.
Speaker:This is not what I'm talking about.
Speaker:It's just that many people use kind of new age conscious and coupling and all of.
Speaker:Beautiful teachings, which have so much truth and power in them, more about it
Speaker:in a second, but use these things in order to justify still being entangled.
Speaker:For instance, with a past lover, they know inside their heart is not safe
Speaker:for them, and you can put a label around it and call it conscious and
Speaker:coupling, and now we need to need to meet again and talk through it and we
Speaker:need to have some fucking makeup sex.
Speaker:No, you don't.
Speaker:When you know, deep in your heart that someone is not right, it is beautiful to
Speaker:give them with the opportunity to talk things out, but by staying too entangled
Speaker:with them, by allowing them too much space in your life, there's a high chance
Speaker:that the actual intention of conscious uncoupling, which means to let go of
Speaker:that, to cherish that, to bless them on their path actually gets dismissed, gets
Speaker:lost, and our attachment, our story of how it used to be starts to take over.
Speaker:It's actually very rare that two individuals have reached a level of
Speaker:consciousness where they can let each other go full form of unconscious
Speaker:uncoupling that is in harmony, right?
Speaker:Very often one might want that, but if the other doesn't then the other might
Speaker:use it as a way to try to convince you to start the relationship again.
Speaker:And this is not just about conscious uncoupling.
Speaker:Conscious uncoupling is beautiful.
Speaker:It's just about both have to have the right intention and have to have
Speaker:reached a certain level of healing and level of consciousness where
Speaker:they can relate to others in a secure way, and they no longer have any form
Speaker:of attachment towards other people.
Speaker:Now, conscious uncoupling or staying in touch with ex-partners is often used as an
Speaker:excuse to not have to face loneliness, to create a new life, to let go of the past.
Speaker:And now you, or they start to bring this baggage, this emotional baggage, this
Speaker:unclarity in your heart, your heart space is not clear, is still occupied with all
Speaker:kinds of energies into new relationships.
Speaker:And a conscious partner or the ideal partner that most likely you
Speaker:want to attract, they have done a fair share amount of inner work
Speaker:and deep healing and have reached a certain level of consciousness.
Speaker:And they will be repelled by an energy or by your heart that is entangled and
Speaker:your heart space being occupied with all kinds of things from past lovers.
Speaker:And now listen.
Speaker:I'm not saying you can't still text with an ex lover or a past lover.
Speaker:I'm not saying you can't be friends.
Speaker:And especially there are some really important scenarios, where there needs
Speaker:to be a certain contact for instance, when it comes to shared parenting, but
Speaker:that is a whole other topic, and this is not what I'm talking about today.
Speaker:But the ideal conscious partner has done a fair amount of work on themselves, and
Speaker:they will be repelled by this energy, or you will be repelled by someone's
Speaker:energy, if you have come to a certain level of healing, if their heart is
Speaker:occupied with all kind of bullshits from past and this and texting and still and
Speaker:still, and all of that stuff, right?
Speaker:That is not attractive.
Speaker:And especially that is not safe, that is not safe for your heart.
Speaker:And that is the main theme of course, of this.
Speaker:It is, as I mentioned at the beginning of this episode, when safety, consistency and
Speaker:genuine love become more attractive than the pull of strong and unsafe chemistry.
Speaker:And this is exactly what this is about.
Speaker:One of the most profound gifts you can offer to your current or future
Speaker:partner is the clarity of your heart.
Speaker:Your heart is with them.
Speaker:It is not entangled in past lovers, texting with anything like that.
Speaker:These things are in the past for a reason.
Speaker:They are no longer your present reality and this your intimate life now, your
Speaker:relationship now is your present reality.
Speaker:And now the second key in order to heal in your intimate life, that is
Speaker:so crucial is to learn to be able to discern between your eroticized
Speaker:wounds and your heart's true yearning.
Speaker:And you might have already noticed that there seems to be two
Speaker:conflicting desires within you.
Speaker:One, I call the desires of the sexual shadow.
Speaker:Strong sexual arousal with people who are not safe for your heart,
Speaker:wanting to escape from your pain by experiencing pleasure, sexual pleasure.
Speaker:The pleasure that comes with physical touch or intimacy in some shape or form.
Speaker:And the other desire is to want to have a safe and deep union.
Speaker:One is the desire of your heart.
Speaker:The other are your eroticized wounds.
Speaker:What creates our ized wounds, I describe this as the sexual shadow and as long
Speaker:as we feed our sexual shadow are overly identified with these desires, we will
Speaker:always end up feeling lost, sad, empty.
Speaker:Think about it this way, you make love with someone and
Speaker:afterwards you feel worse.
Speaker:You feel empty, you feel energetically, depleted your heart feels clouded, right?
Speaker:Making love is supposed to be a sacred act, and afterwards you are supposed to
Speaker:feel empowered, to experience more joy, more love, more depth, more freedom in
Speaker:your heart, more clarity in your heart.
Speaker:The only exception here would be sometimes after even a very sacred
Speaker:experience in the bedroom, you might feel more heavy, not because that person
Speaker:is not safe, but because certain deep wounds or limiting beliefs came up.
Speaker:That is another topic for another episode.
Speaker:But that will be an exception right?
Speaker:But as always it's nothing is black and white, and there are
Speaker:so many subtle nuances to this.
Speaker:But I won't go in depth into the sexual shadow here as I teach
Speaker:about this in depth in my programs.
Speaker:But a really powerful practice is I wanna give you here to work with
Speaker:your sexual shadow to work with your ized wounds is the next time you
Speaker:feel this strong arousal, this desire to escape, to numb your pain with
Speaker:fleeting pleasure, you can put both hands on your heart and say out loud,
Speaker:this desire is coming from my wounds.
Speaker:I'm coming from pain.
Speaker:This desire is coming from my wounds.
Speaker:I'm coming from pain.
Speaker:By saying this, especially out loud while you and take a deep
Speaker:breath after and before, you create a form of distance between.
Speaker:And the designs of your sexual shadow, there is a gap that is being created.
Speaker:A moment of awareness.
Speaker:Consciousness can enter and you can reconnect with the true yearning inside
Speaker:your heart, your relationship, vision.
Speaker:And I will end this episode with the following.
Speaker:If you want to make your hearts deepest yearning a living reality,
Speaker:then your life needs to be an offering.
Speaker:Everything you do, even your mere beingness, to actively
Speaker:turning your heart's deepest yearning into a living reality.
Speaker:No bullshit, no texting and allowing ex-partners' energies
Speaker:back into your heart, even though, you know they're not safe, no
Speaker:strengthening of your sexual shadow.
Speaker:And what happens then is you create clarity in your heart and thereby you
Speaker:become free in your intimate life.
Speaker:Your boundaries are naturally there.
Speaker:You can see whether someone is good for your heart's truth and safety or not.
Speaker:And everything becomes clearer.
Speaker:Everything becomes less suffering, less pain and less confusion, and
Speaker:more joy, more depth and more love.
Speaker:Thank you.
Speaker:Thank you.
Speaker:Thank you for listening for being here.
Speaker:I invite you to share this episode if it has touched your heart, if
Speaker:it has spoken to you with someone who needs to hear this, thank you.
