Wounded Relationship or Sacred Union – How to Tell the Difference
Relationships can be a mix of power and intensity, but also confusion and pain. When we’re in wounded relationships, we might wonder if that pain is a sign of growth or just us repeating old patterns. When we’re unsure about the nature of our relationship, it drains our energy and leaves us stuck.
What we need is to develop deep clarity and grounding in ourselves. This helps us recognise the difference between a wounded dynamic and a sacred union.
Think about the last time you spoke your truth. Did it bring you closer or cause more distance and pain? Use this awareness to make choices that align with safety, love, and growth.
Mentioned in this episode:
Healing Mother & Father Wounding
August 24th. Attend live – replay available for 2 months
Evolve – October 3rd, 2025
An intimate afternoon and evening with Lorin Krenn in London
Transcript
Wounded relationship or sacred union?
Speaker:Unsafe for your heart or safe for your heart?
Speaker:Conscious or unconscious?
Speaker:How do you tell the difference?
Speaker:It's not always that simple.
Speaker:I've been asked these questions so many times, so here is a deep dive into
Speaker:this topic so that after listening to this, you understand all the nuances
Speaker:and subtle complexities and the true difference between these two.
Speaker:Sometimes it can feel like sacred love, the connection is so powerful,
Speaker:the intensity is undeniable, but then why is there so much pain?
Speaker:Why does it hurt so much at times?
Speaker:And what is the meaning of this hurt?
Speaker:Or is it the pain of growth, or is it the pain of repeating the same pattern again?
Speaker:When we're stuck in the in-between, it drains us.
Speaker:You don't need me to explain what that feels like.
Speaker:You've likely been there, your head is spinning, you're second guessing.
Speaker:Not fully in.
Speaker:Not fully out.
Speaker:Why?
Speaker:Because the energy of certainty is powerful.
Speaker:When you know, you choose.
Speaker:When you choose fully, your nervous system relaxes, your energy expands, love flows.
Speaker:But when your uncertain, your life force gets fragmented, you can't
Speaker:access the depth, the joy, the clarity that you're meant to live in.
Speaker:So let's dive deep into this.
Speaker:Welcome to the Masculine and Feminine Dynamics podcast.
Speaker:My name is Lorin Krenn, and I'm a coach, author, and hypnotherapist.
Speaker:I help you to understand masculine and feminine dynamics.
Speaker:I want to begin this episode by saying something that might surprise you.
Speaker:Have you ever seen someone ask another person who is confused
Speaker:about their relationship or something going on a question such
Speaker:as, what does your intuition say?
Speaker:Or deep down, you know.
Speaker:Just drop in and listen and you'll know the truth.
Speaker:I believe, and I don't just believe, I know from having worked with so many
Speaker:people and having helped people through so many different challenges, that
Speaker:this usually only adds more pressure because if you knew 100%, if you had
Speaker:this ability to feel your intuition so deeply, to discern between what your
Speaker:gut is telling you or what old wounding, the difference between the two, then
Speaker:the question and confusion wouldn't even most likely be there in the first place.
Speaker:This is not about adding more pressure.
Speaker:This is not about diagnosing your relationship or anyone else's
Speaker:relationship as you listen to this.
Speaker:This is about creating a safe space for yourself, a space where you are
Speaker:not stressed and pressured, but a space where the truth can reveal itself to
Speaker:you, where your nervous system can relax.
Speaker:That is what I want to create, and I believe that is so much more important
Speaker:than this hectic inner frenzy trying to connect with your intuition.
Speaker:It just adds more confusion.
Speaker:The goal is not to force clarity.
Speaker:The goal is to become so deeply rooted in your power and truth, that the
Speaker:difference between wounded love and sacred union feels so obvious to you.
Speaker:At a deeper level, it's not a fault.
Speaker:It's not a fault pattern.
Speaker:You don't ask someone, you feel it.
Speaker:It's clear inside you.
Speaker:You don't need to overanalyze.
Speaker:You don't need another mental framework.
Speaker:What we need is embodiment, you being so rooted in your truth, so
Speaker:rooted in your heart, so rooted in your body, that you can truly feel
Speaker:the difference at a deeper level.
Speaker:And that is the real healing work, to become the version of you who no longer
Speaker:confuses pain with depth, chaos with chemistry, or sacrifice with devotion.
Speaker:I wanted sacred union so badly, because deep down I knew it was meant for me.
Speaker:But I was also in my earlier journey hijacked by an ungrounded nervous
Speaker:frenzy inside me that was trying to escape from the pain and the emotional
Speaker:weight from all the trauma and suffering that I've experienced in the past.
Speaker:So I had to go through my journey before meeting my now wife, I had
Speaker:to go through a deep journey where I confused sacredness with trauma.
Speaker:I had to go through a deep journey where I mistakenly confused intensity with
Speaker:love or chemistry with soul connection.
Speaker:And I was up in the clouds, escaping and running, rather than truly being
Speaker:grounded and looking reality in its eyes.
Speaker:There were painful lessons, but I'm so grateful for these lessons because
Speaker:everyone who is meant for this journey of divine or deeper union, and if you feel
Speaker:that calling, it means you most likely are, has to go through their journey
Speaker:for their soul to ripen and mature.
Speaker:I had to go through this journey to become the version of myself that
Speaker:could actually discern between the two.
Speaker:What is old wounding, what is sacred union?
Speaker:And as mentioned before, being able to discern that and feel that so deeply,
Speaker:I can choose my wife every moment, every day, fully and wholeheartedly.
Speaker:That energy of certainty is what creates so much intimacy, so
Speaker:much connection, so much beauty, so much depth and so much joy.
Speaker:But if someone is still in between, then they're not fully in choice, and
Speaker:to not be fully in choice when you are in something or doing something,
Speaker:specifically in a relationship means that you're not fully conscious in it.
Speaker:Because if you're doing something but you're not fully choosing
Speaker:it, there's a sense of resist resistance, there's a sense of lack
Speaker:of clarity, and it drains and leaks.
Speaker:Your energy is being leaked, your energy is being drained, your life force.
Speaker:But back to my point at the beginning.
Speaker:When you want sacred love so badly, it becomes easy to bypass all the
Speaker:subtle things that something isn't actually safe for your heart and
Speaker:something that is not aligned.
Speaker:So we must bring deep grounding and discernment to this journey.
Speaker:Yes, the most wonderful experience to experience that sacred love,
Speaker:but that doesn't mean to go up in the clouds and disappear.
Speaker:It means to ground yourself even deeper into this beautiful earth,
Speaker:into this present moment reality.
Speaker:That sacred The other is an escapism.
Speaker:So just before we get more practical and deeper here, and I talk about the key
Speaker:differences between wounded relationships and sacred union, that's something
Speaker:that I invite you to do ongoingly.
Speaker:To really get present and honestly, look at what's happening in your
Speaker:life and in your relationships.
Speaker:To not be afraid of that, but to really look at it.
Speaker:Because from that place, you can then make conscious choices.
Speaker:If you don't do this actively, you are most likely escaping somewhere.
Speaker:Now, let's talk about the key differences between wounded
Speaker:relationships and sacred union.
Speaker:A difference number one, truth.
Speaker:In both a sacred union and in a wounded relationship, stuff will rise, triggers,
Speaker:wounds, emotions, you'll be challenged.
Speaker:But the key difference is in a wounded dynamic, what arises is
Speaker:often an expression of old pain.
Speaker:You find yourself chasing, walking on eggshells, needing to earn love,
Speaker:needing to be something else than you are not, feeling unsafe, unseen,
Speaker:losing your sense of self, and feeling that your truth is not fully
Speaker:welcome and would lead to challenges.
Speaker:In a sacred union, what rises is an invitation to heal,
Speaker:not a repetition of old pain.
Speaker:And here is the real test.
Speaker:When you speak your highest truth, what happens?
Speaker:Does the relationship deepen and drop into deeper intimacy and
Speaker:connection and trust and safety, or does it lead to more challenges?
Speaker:For a brief moment, it might be challenging, but not in the long run.
Speaker:If it leads to confusion, shutdown, and pain, you need to have an honest
Speaker:look at what's going on there.
Speaker:In sacred union, there is always space for truth.
Speaker:Even if the truth is uncomfortable and you need to speak it with
Speaker:care and mindfulness, how you deliver it is very important.
Speaker:But both partners in sacred union want the truth because they know it's the
Speaker:only thing that deepens the connection.
Speaker:It's the fundament of everything, because without truth, there is no love.
Speaker:In a wounded relationship, truth threatens the dysfunction.
Speaker:One, or usually both.
Speaker:In different ways, both partners need to avoid truth to keep an illusion alive.
Speaker:Let me make this practical.
Speaker:Let's say you are the one who's always initiating, always chasing, and then one
Speaker:day you speak your truth, that it feels one sided and you don't feel fully met.
Speaker:Now how that truth is received will tell you everything.
Speaker:And this is where it gets challenging because as humans, we think in
Speaker:black and white and we think, well, if that's the case, if it is one
Speaker:sided like this, it means it can never be a sacred relationship.
Speaker:I wouldn't necessarily say that.
Speaker:It's more about can the truth be received and can the other person show up and
Speaker:do the work required to move back into truth, meaning to move back into love?
Speaker:Because that's the caveat of all of this.
Speaker:That's the subtle distinction.
Speaker:Just because there is sacred love doesn't mean there is no trauma.
Speaker:You might both be expressing a lot of trauma.
Speaker:You might both feel totally lost in a moment, in an argument, but it doesn't
Speaker:mean you don't have sacred love.
Speaker:It's not black and white.
Speaker:But what happens when truth is spoken?
Speaker:What happens when one of you really speaks their highest truth?
Speaker:Can the other receive, can the other drop inwards?
Speaker:And can you both move back into truth and back into love?
Speaker:Because if you can, then by definition that is sacred, and if you cannot, or
Speaker:if one cannot, then that by definition is wounded, dysfunctional, not safe.
Speaker:No matter how much love is buried underneath.
Speaker:Truth is the enemy of a dysfunctional and wounded dynamic because it exposes
Speaker:something, and truth is the requirement.
Speaker:The sacred ground, where sacred union stands on.
Speaker:In a dysfunctional wounded dynamic, one or both are playing out specific
Speaker:patterns that they want to hide from.
Speaker:The relationship is more an escape and further projection of core trauma rather
Speaker:than a walking home together, healing together, evolving and growing together.
Speaker:So an illusion has to be kept alive, and truth is an enemy of that.
Speaker:That's why things fall apart and truth has a destructive quality to it.
Speaker:Not because it's bad, but because what is not meant to be will fall away.
Speaker:Difference number two.
Speaker:No more romanticizing the fucking bullshit.
Speaker:Let's stop romanticizing the nonsense.
Speaker:Let's stop romanticizing, avoidant, anxious dynamics.
Speaker:Let's stop romanticizing, or let's just go with the flow, which
Speaker:usually are commitment issues.
Speaker:Let's stop romanticizing we need to break up to find each other again.
Speaker:No, it more means avoidant.
Speaker:I'm not saying that cannot be the truth, but I'm saying let's stop
Speaker:romanticizing this bullshit, because there is nothing sacred about it.
Speaker:There's nothing sacred about breaking up or lacking commitment.
Speaker:It just isn't.
Speaker:Yes, what's sacred is to choose to do the work together and
Speaker:to truly devote ourselves.
Speaker:I hear a lot of this romanticization when it comes to twin flame.
Speaker:That's why I don't even use the word twin flame, because we need to be
Speaker:mindful not to romanticize that.
Speaker:Sacred union is two people fully devoted to one another.
Speaker:No games, no performing only truth, only love that is grounded
Speaker:in the now and not in potential.
Speaker:No more drama disguised as destiny.
Speaker:When two people stop playing games, that's when things become sacred.
Speaker:When two people stop performing and truly meet each other with full presence
Speaker:and with an open heart, that's where the sacred flows into the relationship.
Speaker:Everything else, without me wanting to generalize here, but everything else is
Speaker:more in the realm of spiritual bypassing or attaching beautiful spiritual flaky
Speaker:language to something that is actually just healing or repeating certain wounds.
Speaker:The difference number three, there is something deeper holding you.
Speaker:There is something deeper holding a sacred union, a a very conscious relationship.
Speaker:Something you can't fake, can't force, and can't manufacture.
Speaker:It's mystical, it's a soul current.
Speaker:It's this telepathic connection.
Speaker:Now, some people will have that feeling with someone, that's actually a repetition
Speaker:of old wounding, but obviously it's not the same feeling, but they confuse it.
Speaker:Why?
Speaker:One is obsessive, one comes from fear and often seeking the familiar
Speaker:chaos we experienced growing up, there's an intensity, there's a
Speaker:psychic pull, but again, it's more the nervous system memory of abandonment
Speaker:and, and measurement and chaos.
Speaker:In sacred union, that soul connection lies in stillness, in peace, in safety.
Speaker:There is no obsessive psychic intense, crazy, crazy pull, rather, you
Speaker:could just be in stillness together, you can be in peace together.
Speaker:Your nervous systems can be at ease together, and you
Speaker:feel that deeper soul current.
Speaker:That's as close as we can describe it with words.
Speaker:Difference number four.
Speaker:You don't lose yourself in sacred union, but you do lose your sense
Speaker:of self in a wounded dynamic.
Speaker:In sacred union, you return to yourself.
Speaker:In sacred union, you don't disappear into the relationship.
Speaker:You don't become smaller to be loved.
Speaker:You become more of who you are.
Speaker:Sacred union takes away the bullshit of who you are not, for you to be
Speaker:the true self, the higher self.
Speaker:A wounded dynamic requires of you to always be someone who you are not, and
Speaker:live up to an expectation or ideal that's not even real, grounded or something you
Speaker:deep down want to be or aspire to be.
Speaker:In a wounded dynamic, you are always negotiating with yourself.
Speaker:Should I say this?
Speaker:Will they leave if I show this part of me?
Speaker:Maybe I'm expecting too much.
Speaker:Maybe I'm the problem.
Speaker:Maybe I should be less intense.
Speaker:Maybe I ask for too much.
Speaker:But that's not love.
Speaker:That's usually self abandonment, shrinking, playing small, dimming
Speaker:your light in order to be loved and to keep connection alive.
Speaker:Sacred love doesn't demand your performance.
Speaker:It invites your presence.
Speaker:It invites you to be real, to be the true you.
Speaker:The more authentic you are, the deeper the relationship goes.
Speaker:In a wounded dynamic, your authenticity, your truth, you being fully who you
Speaker:are can lead to more chaos, because the dynamic is built on the wounded
Speaker:dynamic, which means it's trying to pull you back into that old wound
Speaker:itself rather than inviting you to rise into your highest power and truth.
Speaker:Difference number five, sacred union evolves you.
Speaker:Sacred union is not the end of your healing journey.
Speaker:Some could even say it's the beginning.
Speaker:It's not the beginning, ' cause a lot has to happen for this journey
Speaker:to unfold and for you to truly be aware of the sacredness and
Speaker:have that level of commitment.
Speaker:But it's the accelerator of your healing.
Speaker:Your partner is not your savior.
Speaker:I'm not saying that, but the container of the relationship is so rooted
Speaker:in truth that anything false will naturally rise to be seen, to be met,
Speaker:to be integrated, and to be healed.
Speaker:In sacred union, there is this beautiful balance of you both growing
Speaker:individually on your soul journey, and growing together, and somehow in
Speaker:sacred union, there is a place for both.
Speaker:In a wounded dynamic that gets very blurry.
Speaker:Your who you are, your individuality, their individuality, all is a wild mix
Speaker:of pain, obsessive passion, psychic pull, rooted in intensity, trauma,
Speaker:rather than safety and the depth of love.
Speaker:So in a sacred unit, there's somehow this beautiful balance where you feel
Speaker:you can honor fully your journey as a soul in this life and your partner as
Speaker:well, and you're also becoming one.
Speaker:So it's becoming one and honoring your own individual journeys,
Speaker:and that's true wholeness.
Speaker:Sacred union will never ask of you.
Speaker:To give up your humanness and your own journey because you're still two souls who
Speaker:have different traumas to work through.
Speaker:You just choose to walk this journey together, support each other, and
Speaker:honor each other at the highest level.
Speaker:In a wounded dynamic when one grows and truly steps into their truth, the
Speaker:other might even feel left behind.
Speaker:Not left behind.
Speaker:From a place of, wow, this is inspiring, but from a place of fear,
Speaker:wanting to control them, wanting them to play small again, minimizing
Speaker:them, rather than truly being so blissfully happy that your partner
Speaker:is evolving and growing and healing.
Speaker:How divine.
Speaker:In sacred union, your growth is welcomed, your winds are shared, your.
Speaker:Expansion becomes an inspiration for your partner and not a threat.
Speaker:If it's a threat to them, they are rooted in fear and control, and even though deep
Speaker:down they might love you, they have not yet reached a level of consciousness where
Speaker:they can truly love at the highest level.
Speaker:In a truly divine union, your partner blossoming, flowering, expanding,
Speaker:healing, becoming more authentic, shedding identities, working
Speaker:through patterns, it inspires you.
Speaker:You acknowledge them, you honor them, you love seeing them expand.
Speaker:That's sacred love.
Speaker:And one final distinction.
Speaker:Sacred union doesn't mean there is no pain.
Speaker:It just means the pain is in service to love, not the result of avoiding it.
Speaker:In a wounded relationship, love becomes the price you pay for being real.
Speaker:In sacred union, being real.
Speaker:Is what brings you closer.
Speaker:You pay no price and the only thing you are asked to release are all the bullshit
Speaker:identities and illusions and limiting beliefs that are not who you truly are.
Speaker:You don't have to give up anything of who you are.
Speaker:You only have to shed who you are not.
Speaker:Your authenticity, your truth, your love, who you truly are is
Speaker:most welcome, and that which is most desired in a sacred union.
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