Why Do Women Always Want to Change Men?
Men often feel like women are trying to change them, which of course causes conflict in their relationship. Men want to be accepted “for who they are”, but this doesn’t mean accepting mens’ shadow. Instead, it means loving and accepting them while desiring growth and change if their patterns stem from wounding.
Men need to set healthy boundaries. If someone is trying to change a man in a way that goes against his truth, he must express his values and stand in his integrity. Boundaries allow us all to maintain conscious relationships and honour our own growth.
When we misinterpret our partners’ need for a deeper and authentic connection, we put strain on the relationship. Unresolved conflicts and unaddressed wounds can lead to a lack of trust, intimacy, and satisfaction. So we need to embrace the opportunity for growth and evolve together.
In this episode, Lorin explains how, by examining our own patterns and wounds, we can reflect on whether we are identifying ourselves with our shadows or operating from our highest truth. This cultivates self-awareness and creates healthier dynamics in our relationships.
Mentioned in this episode:
The Awakened Masculine program: Starting 16th June 2024 An 8-week immersive journey into the depths of unleashing your awakened masculine power. You will have Lorin as your personal guide through live calls, written modules, embodiment practices and much more.
Transcript
Why do many men believe that women are trying to change them?
Lorin:Why is this such a common cause of conflict in relationships?
Lorin:There is a deeper answer to this, and of course, as always, in relationships, they're very important, subtle nuances one needs to be aware of.
Lorin:We will go deep in this episode for you as a woman or as a man, to have crystal clarity around what is going on there.
Lorin:And if you are currently experiencing that, you are in a dynamic that comes from a place of unconsciousness, from wounding, then you will learn through this episode how to shift through this dynamic.
Lorin:Welcome to the Masculine and Feminine Dynamics Podcast.
Lorin:My name is Lorin Krenn and I am a relationship coach.
Lorin:I help you to unite the masculine and feminine within you in your relationships and life.
Lorin:Let's dive in.
Lorin:For men and for anyone truly, it is very important to feel accepted.
Lorin:That's universal, but it is this idea of I need to be accepted for who I am that leads to confusion, that leads to this belief that she is trying to change him.
Lorin:Accept me for who I am, and if you don't, it means you are trying to change me.
Lorin:But we need to go deeper into this because in many cases this is actually not true.
Lorin:It's actually couldn't be further away from the truth.
Lorin:Now, of course, we all desire to be accepted, but it is that word for who we are that we need to look deeper into.
Lorin:Because when we are operating from a place of wounding and we say, this is who we are, then of course that is not true.
Lorin:We are identified with the wounding, but it's not who deep down we truly are, nor who deep down we want to be.
Lorin:The deeper question here is, is she really trying to change who we are?
Lorin:Or have we identified ourselves with our shadow, with something that we are not?
Lorin:Let's use a practical example.
Lorin:Let's say the man has a pattern of defensiveness.
Lorin:She makes him aware of it.
Lorin:At some point it leads to a bigger argument because it has been happening again and again.
Lorin:Him becoming defensive when she was just expressing something that felt important for her heart to, for her heart to feel safe.
Lorin:He now says to her, you want me to be someone I am not.
Lorin:You are not accepting me as I am.
Lorin:What's happening here is that he's saying Who I am is defensiveness.
Lorin:But is, is defensiveness really who you are?
Lorin:No, it's an, an, an unconscious reactivity.
Lorin:It's a form of wound that comes from the generation trauma of the masculine.
Lorin:If you haven't listened to this episode yet, I've done Understand Men Better, Why Men are Defensive or Become Defensive or this truly comes from, I've got an in-depth episode, so you can really go into that.
Lorin:But here in just that example, it's like, okay, this is who I am, accept me for who I am.
Lorin:But we need to distinguish here.
Lorin:Accepting someone for who they are does not mean putting up with their shadows.
Lorin:Putting up with someone's shadow or someone's wounding that negatively impacts their relationship, that causes pain, that causes hurt, that has nothing to do with accepting someone.
Lorin:You can accept someone as they are, love someone as they are, but you will still desire for things to shift or to be different if they're showing up from a place of wounding.
Lorin:Because putting up with someone's shadow strengthens the shadow.
Lorin:And this is what's happening here at a level.
Lorin:She accepts us for who we are, but at the same time, her divine feminine mirror makes us aware of certain patterns that have nothing to do with who we are.
Lorin:So is she trying to change us?
Lorin:No, no, no, no.
Lorin:She's actually through her feminine oracle, through a feminine energy, she's pointing to who we truly are.
Lorin:I mean, let that sink in.
Lorin:And you as a woman listening or as a feminine identified being masculine, feminine energies are not gender specific.
Lorin:I use heterosexual language for poetic reasons and simplicity, but it's not gender specific.
Lorin:Could be any relationship scenario dynamic.
Lorin:Of course, one has to be reflective, but if your, if your mirror is, is exposing something that is coming from his shadow, then you're not trying to change him.
Lorin:You're pointing to who he truly is.
Lorin:And here as men, that's a pattern of ours.
Lorin:That's something we need to be a, mindful of because we can use this idea of accept me for who I am as an avoidance strategy unconsciously, to avoid having to face that we are operating from a place of wounding, that we're operating from places where we are out of integrity from places that are actually not our highest truth.
Lorin:Now of course, we have to distinguish, I'm talking about the awakened feminine.
Lorin:Whenever I use the word feminine, oracle feminine testing, I'm always referring to the awakened feminine.
Lorin:There are women and there are men who are trying to change their partner.
Lorin:Let me give you an example.
Lorin:When it comes from wounding May, for instance, the woman has a father wound, and she's very identified with that father wound.
Lorin:And at a deeper unconscious level, the way this father wound expresses itself is that she wants the man to be the father she never had to always hold space for her to always be this kind of knight in shining armor.
Lorin:For him, basically to heal the pain caused by the father wound.
Lorin:And while he can show up amazingly, he's not a God.
Lorin:We're all human beings.
Lorin:We're here.
Lorin:Yes, we're connected to infinite intelligence and the universe works through us, but we're also human, and we have this human experience.
Lorin:And we have to acknowledge that that means we won't be perfect.
Lorin:Perfection.
Lorin:Idealism don't exist.
Lorin:They just create suffering
Lorin:Now.
Lorin:If that's the desire and nothing is ever good enough, even though a man might be giving his best, you might be giving your best, you are showing up fully, but it's never good enough, never good enough, never good enough, you need to be different.
Lorin:You need to be different, then that's not coming from her awakened feminine energy that's coming from her wounding, and then she's actually trying to change the man.
Lorin:A level deeper.
Lorin:She's not trying to change the man, necessarily consciously or anything like that, it's just wounding playing out, but it certainly does feel like that, the man having to bend, twist, compromise, be something that he's not in order to appea her and then still it's never good enough.
Lorin:So this is a whole other dynamic.
Lorin:I made an episode about it actually, The Woman With the Father Wound and the Man With the Unworthiness Wound, which goes into that exact thing, so you can have a listen to that.
Lorin:And, uh, Understand Men Better, Why Men Get Defensive also ties into all the topic here.
Lorin:Now, just back for a moment to the awakened feminine.
Lorin:It's not that she's not accepting us, it's that true acceptance and true sacred love never means putting up with someone's shadow.
Lorin:It means calling them out, of course, in a loving way, not in a hugely disrespectful way that is also from wounding.
Lorin:But there might be some fierceness there still fierceness rooted in love from the awakened feminine.
Lorin:And we all care about our partners' growth if we are on our spiritual journey.
Lorin:And the feminine cares like no one else about the masculine or about the evolution of us as men, or as masculine identified beings.
Lorin:Her love is so deep and sacred that she cares more about our growth than a momentarily moment of tension that might be created by her Oracle exposing something within us.
Lorin:The awakened feminine is intuitively connected to the highest vision of what is possible in a relationship.
Lorin:She sees the vision.
Lorin:She's intuitively her.
Lorin:Oracle is connected to it.
Lorin:She sees the light and the potential of the masculine.
Lorin:And that is why she will not put up with certain behavior.
Lorin:It has nothing to do with not accepting him.
Lorin:And it has everything to do with loving him in the most sacred way.
Lorin:And if you let this sink in as a man, it truly transforms the way you relate to the feminine.
Lorin:And if you embody this as a woman or as a feminine identified being, then you no longer question your own nature.
Lorin:Why am I exposing the shadow?
Lorin:Do I need to walk on eggshells?
Lorin:No, you don't.
Lorin:You are here to embody all of your medicine.
Lorin:You don't need to bend and compromise.
Lorin:You're here to embody your truth, and that is, that is deeper intelligence moving through you.
Lorin:Because you see the patterns.
Lorin:You see the patterns that stand in the way.
Lorin:Also your own patterns, of course, um, this is not just about him, but the patterns that stand in the way of you and him reaching the highest level of union.
Lorin:You're, you're not aware of this consciously.
Lorin:It comes from a deeper and more intuitive place within you, and it expressed itself in the relationship through what I call feminine testing.
Lorin:A better word for it, is inviting the masculine to a higher state of consciousness and even deeper to invite the relationship as a whole to a higher level of consciousness.
Lorin:Now, if she's coming from a place of wounding.
Lorin:Then it is important to set boundaries as a man.
Lorin:And as a woman listening if you are coming from the place, for instance, with a father wound where you expect him to be something he can never be, then boundaries are the expression of an awakened man, because he, we cannot be in relationship while being in denial of our highest truth.
Lorin:We can only be in conscious relationship while being in alignment and in our truth.
Lorin:And the moment something in the relationship, a dynamic, um, is no longer in congruence with our truth, the awaken being will set boundaries, will express their values and that they cannot give their all and all their heart and continue in that way, right?
Lorin:Doesn't mean you immediately have a conversation or you threaten, I'm gonna break up if you do this.
Lorin:That's a whole different conversation.
Lorin:This is never advised to speak in these terms.
Lorin:But it's in setting healthy and loving boundaries.
Lorin:So to conclude and to really leave this with a, with a really on a practical note, as a man, is she really trying to change you?
Lorin:If yes, boundaries need to be set.
Lorin:If not, and you are with an awakened woman or with a woman who embodies or is on the path of embodying her awakened F essence.
Lorin:It's not black and white, awakened.
Lorin:Un awakened, awakened man.
Lorin:Unawakened man.
Lorin:No, it We can also translate into awakening man, awakening woman.
Lorin:We're all on a journey.
Lorin:We're all on a journey.
Lorin:But then soften in this moment, soften your heart.
Lorin:You're trying to change me.
Lorin:You don't accept me who I'm?
Lorin:No.
Lorin:Breathe in ground yourself.
Lorin:Feel your cock.
Lorin:Feel your balls.
Lorin:Feel your lower body.
Lorin:Your lower body is your connection to the earth.
Lorin:Breathe into your heart.
Lorin:Soften your heart.
Lorin:Receive that from her.
Lorin:Receive that energy without collapsing, without succumbing into, into some emotional reactivity.
Lorin:Stay present with it and she will feel that warriorship.
Lorin:She will feel how you are that mountain.
Lorin:You are that rooted tree into the earth.
Lorin:And it will infinitely increase the polarity, the intimacy, the attraction, the level of trust and safety in your relationship.
Lorin:If you are with an awakened or awakening woman, then know she's not trying to change you.
Lorin:She sees who you truly are.
Lorin:Your highest power, your highest potential.
Lorin:And we have to be careful with the word potential because when a woman comes from her womb, that or unintegrated feminine, she might see potential that is actually you as a woman listening now, you might see potential in men that is actually so not anywhere lived or.
Lorin:Himself embodied that.
Lorin:Um, it's a fantasy.
Lorin:But still we need to be mindful.
Lorin:It's not just potentially, it's always fantasy.
Lorin:No, the awaken feminine is connected to the highest potential of what's possible in the relationship.
Lorin:Yes.
Lorin:So important to distinguish also you as a woman, what is a fantasy and what is really potential you'll see because there is gradual change and awakening and you feel his deepest sense of masculine depth coming through.
Lorin:So, key thing here is that it's all about what are we identified with as men?
Lorin:Is she really not accepting us for who we are?
Lorin:Or are we labeling mediocrity or comfort or wanting to be now a comfort zone, passiveness not taking responsibility, are we labeling that as who we are?
Lorin:Because that's an easy bypass.
Lorin:That's an easy avoidance.
Lorin:But chances are high.
Lorin:Well, you can do whatever you want.
Lorin:You can try to find a woman who puts up with your shadow and continue to live out from a place of wounding.
Lorin:But chances are higher that if you are here, specifically, specifically, if you're listening to the ending of this episode, then I already know that whether you're a man or a woman, your highest desire is to evolve, to truly evolve to the highest and to embody your, your deepest truth, to reach the highest spiritual level that is possible, an abundance and depth in this life.
Lorin:Thank you for being here.
Lorin:I'm truly, truly honored to have you here.
Lorin:It's a true privilege to be recording these episodes, to be in deep service.
Lorin:That is a true privilege.
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Lorin:Because when you understand and see these dynamics, then you can go from a place of unconscious and wounding to really stepping into conscious relating, or I even prefer sacred relating.
Lorin:Sacred union.
Lorin:All is about union.
Lorin:Union with the masculine, feminine within you.
Lorin:Union with the masculine, feminine in your relationship and in every other area of your life.
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Lorin:As always, thank you for being here.
Lorin:And wherever you are, I wish you the most grace abundance that is possible for you to experience.
