What She Means When She Says She Wants “More” from the Relationship
Relationships often hit that moment when a woman feels something is missing… but she can't articulate it. This can be confusing to both partners. A man may think he needs to please her by doing more. But the real problem goes far deeper.
In this episode, Lorin explains that the solution lies in both partners understanding what "more" means. If this isn’t communicated and what she wants is unarticulated and never realised, the relationship can become dysfunctional. This can draw men towards neediness which pushes their partners away.
This episode offers the opportunity to understand our own desires and paths, and is crucial listening for both men and women.
Mentioned in this episode:
The Polarity Program
An 8-week immersive journey for couples into the depths of masculine & feminine polarity. Starts Sunday 15th September 2024.
Transcript
Today I'm going to speak about one of the most common challenges in relationships between men and women, and yet no one talks about this.
Speaker:Let's call it the, when a woman wants more, more from the relationship, and a man doesn't fully understand what she means by more.
Speaker:In fact, most women don't actually know at a deeper level or conceptually what it is that they want, but they feel deep down something is missing.
Speaker:They feel there is more, more depth, more love, more intimacy, and, and yet they cannot articulate it.
Speaker:It's so mystical.
Speaker:It's so abstract.
Speaker:And men often take it literally or don't understand what is going on.
Speaker:Both are confused, both are suffering, both are struggling, and both don't understand one another.
Speaker:In this episode, I will help you realize what this really means at the core.
Speaker:I will simplify all of this, and towards the end of the episode, I will give you practical steps that you can take as a woman in this dynamic and practical steps that you can take as a man in this dynamic,
Speaker:Welcome to the Masculine and Feminine Dynamics podcast.
Speaker:My name is Lorin Krenn, and I'm a coach author and hypnotherapist.
Speaker:I help you to create the relationship you want.
Speaker:Let's dive in.
Speaker:In many relationships or intimate connections, the woman realizes that she wants more, more from the relationship, more presence, more depth, and more intimacy.
Speaker:Yet she finds it extremely difficult to label it, to actually articulate what it is that she truly desires
Speaker:. And the man often goes, what?
Speaker:Tell me what it is that you want, and I am going to do it.
Speaker:But this is not the right approach.
Speaker:Understandably, this is why a man responds in this way.
Speaker:I have responded in this way before, but this is a deeper spiritual challenge.
Speaker:Some women get confused.
Speaker:They feel this deep desire for more, and then they try to articulate it and they might say something such as, in answering a man's question, I want deeper conversations.
Speaker:I want this or that.
Speaker:And while that might all be true, it is actually not the core of what it is that she truly desires at the deepest level.
Speaker:This has nothing to do with wanting a specific thing.
Speaker:Actually, it has nothing to do with the relationship itself.
Speaker:What it really is is that a woman's intuition senses that a man is not living his truth and his highest potential.
Speaker:Disclaimer, this only applies to a conscious relationship where a woman is genuinely doing the deep inner work and she's connected to her intuition.
Speaker:This does not apply to a woman who is stuck in wounding and then projects all the blame onto the man and says he is the reason for everything that's not going right in the relationship.
Speaker:That doesn't apply to this.
Speaker:This applies to a woman who is tuned and dropped into her deepest intuition.
Speaker:So at the deepest level, it's not about wanting something specific.
Speaker:It is the realization that a man is not living his truth.
Speaker:And as the awakened feminine is so devoted to the highest love, this now becomes.
Speaker:Something deep within her that starts to rise, that starts to almost erupt like a volcano and seemingly create challenge and disconnect in the relationship.
Speaker:Whereas in truth, it is a mirror that where the relationship is going right now or where a man is going in his journey is not in highest alignment.
Speaker:She doesn't desire for the man to do something specific for her.
Speaker:She desires for the man to choose his truth, to choose his path.
Speaker:And as he chooses his path, a total new depth, level of emotional intimacy and spiritual intimacy starts to enter the relationship.
Speaker:Because the energy starts to shift.
Speaker:So often this happens when a man becomes more passive, when a man starts to feel comfortable in the relationship, and he's not prioritizing growth and evolution at the highest level.
Speaker:And she senses that.
Speaker:She senses ultimately, to put it into one sentence that he's not prioritizing growth at the highest level.
Speaker:And the relationship cannot be in highest alignment if both are not prioritizing the highest truth.
Speaker:The common pitfall for men here is that men believe they now have to somehow please her, but this is the wrong approach because actually it's not what she wants.
Speaker:She wants the man to live his truth and not to do any of the spiritual practices or become more present or whatever it is for her.
Speaker:She wants him to choose it as his deepest truth because everything else is not real.
Speaker:It is not in alignment otherwise.
Speaker:Then many men become needy, they take on spiritual interests, they start doing all these things.
Speaker:And the reason why nothing changes is because the core energy has not changed within.
Speaker:The core energy of choosing comfort over the highest truth, alignment, love.
Speaker:Because once again, here a man is choosing the more comfortable path, which is trying to do these things and trying to get her back the relationship back and try to get the relationship back to what?
Speaker:To the old comfort.
Speaker:But this is the opposite of what she desires.
Speaker:And then he might say, but I'm doing all these things.
Speaker:And she might say, I know, I know, but still something is missing.
Speaker:There's so much confusion.
Speaker:She desires him to find his path, his vision, his service, his truth, and not to change himself.
Speaker:Because if he changes himself to please her, then he's losing his power.
Speaker:Just as he was losing his power before where he was not living his highest truth.
Speaker:The more needy a man gets, the more he actually starts to push her away.
Speaker:What she really desires is for him to say, baby, I have lost my path.
Speaker:I will go into deep nature for a week and return with clarity.
Speaker:Or, baby, I have lost my path, but this has nothing to do with you.
Speaker:This is about me finding myself and what it is that I really want to create, who it is that I want to be in this world, what man I want to be.
Speaker:He doesn't have to say this, but I'm talking about the energetics of the desire.
Speaker:And from this comes an incredible depth, because at the deepest level, it's not about what the things we do or say.
Speaker:It's about the energy we embody.
Speaker:And it doesn't matter what a man says or does when he's not embodying this energy of knowing his path, knowing, having clarity about who he's where he wants to go, what he wants to create with you in the relationship in his life, then no matter what it does or says, it's not going to create the energy of highest love, of the highest and most sacred union.
Speaker:Men believe this is about her.
Speaker:She wants more, but in truth, it's about him.
Speaker:Him finding his path, which is what every man desires deep down to find his path.
Speaker:This comes from a place of true love.
Speaker:It has nothing to do with selfish and egocentrical desires of her, unless this comes from wounding, but then it just doesn't apply.
Speaker:So what can women and men do practically here in order to shift this?
Speaker:I'm gonna start with women.
Speaker:As a woman.
Speaker:When your intuition senses this, at first it might seem like a selfish desire.
Speaker:You want more, more, more, and you are not satisfied with the relationship.
Speaker:First identify, go deep inside, whether it this comes from wounding or it is your deepest intuition.
Speaker:When it is your intuition, then allow yourself to drop the shame, to drop the judgments you might naturally have about yourself.
Speaker:That this is selfish or you shouldn't want more because it might contradict certain spiritual teachings that you should just accept everything as it is.
Speaker:Yes, accept things as they are, but it doesn't mean that change is not needed to move into highest alignment.
Speaker:And how do you own this desire?
Speaker:By understanding what it your true desire is.
Speaker:You now can bring voice to it.
Speaker:You can say, baby, I feel that there is so much more, and I feel that You have lost your path.
Speaker:I feel that you are not fulfilled in what you are doing.
Speaker:And I want my man, I want my king.
Speaker:I want my warrior.
Speaker:I know how powerful you are.
Speaker:I feel it.
Speaker:I know it.
Speaker:And yet I see you living and showing up in a way that's not the true core of who you are.
Speaker:You don't have to say what I'm saying.
Speaker:This is just a point.
Speaker:But make this about your deep desire for the relationship and for him to grow into his highest power rather than, I want more.
Speaker:I want this, I want that.
Speaker:Because then often he will take it the wrong way.
Speaker:Now you can voice this.
Speaker:You are not responsible for how he takes it.
Speaker:You are responsible for discerning where it's coming from, but if it's coming from your highest truth, then you are not responsible for how he responds to it.
Speaker:That's his own journey.
Speaker:You cannot change him.
Speaker:Your embodiment can inspire him, but it's all we can ever do.
Speaker:Inspire the other person through our unapologetic embodiment, our commitment and devotion to our highest path.
Speaker:As a man, what can you practically do?
Speaker:Don't chase her.
Speaker:Don't allow yourself to become overly needy.
Speaker:It will just push her away.
Speaker:This is not about the relationship.
Speaker:This is about your highest growth.
Speaker:So instead of focusing on her, put the focus on your path.
Speaker:Ask yourself questions such as, what is my purpose in this world?
Speaker:What is my direction?
Speaker:Who am I truly?
Speaker:Or even deeper or perhaps more powerful, what kind of man do I want to be in this world?
Speaker:And am I being this man?
Speaker:Am I moving closer to being this man?
Speaker:And if not, what do I need to do?
Speaker:What needs to change?
Speaker:That's why you need to put your focus.
Speaker:That's why you need to put your attention.
Speaker:Otherwise, what's going to happen is that you're gonna make this about her, and then it's gonna lead to the neediness and pain that I've described before.
Speaker:It'll just push her away and create more pain.
Speaker:If you don't know who you are, if you have no vision, if you have no clarity, if you are not living your truth, then you cannot expect to have a thriving relationship.
Speaker:You cannot expect for anything in your life to really work.
Speaker:And if it works and is comfortable, then it means it's dysfunctional.
Speaker:The fact that it's being shaken and you are being shown something is not in alignment, is because it's dysfunctional.
Speaker:So you don't wanna go back to something.
Speaker:You want to create something new that is in alignment with the highest truth and your highest calling, which is your growth, which is your evolution.
Speaker:Nothing in life will ever save you from you having to prioritize your growth and evolution at the highest level.
Speaker:These are the deep questions you need to ask yourself.
Speaker:You need to start reflecting about focus on your inner path.
Speaker:The change needs to happen within, for the shift in the relationship and union to happen.
Speaker:Specifically for those who struggle with pleasing tendencies, ask yourself the question what do I really want?
Speaker:If you cannot express what you really want, then how can you lead yourself?
Speaker:How can you lead the relationship?
Speaker:How can you lead a business?
Speaker:How can you lead a team?
Speaker:You can lead nothing if you cannot lead yourself, and you cannot lead yourself or respect yourself and feel in your power if you don't know what you want.
Speaker:If you don't know what you want, you're gonna choose comfort.
Speaker:Now, we've made this practical, we've made it practical.
Speaker:What this really means, what needs to change.
Speaker:All in the end leads us to the deepest work, and any shortcut we try to make, such as the man and pleasing her or anything like that, is not going to work.
Speaker:As a woman when you can voice the true desire you have and then release expectations and you feeling responsible for how he responds, that's your work.
Speaker:And of course, discerning where it's truly coming from.
Speaker:And as a man, your work.
Speaker:Is to find your path.
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