Mother & Father Wounds: Why You’re Still Stuck and How to Break Free
It’s easy to get stuck in painful patterns rooted in unresolved wounds from our parents. These mother and father wounds can hold us back, keeping us from fully stepping into who we are meant to be. They impact our emotions, relationships, and even our sense of self-worth. This problem doesn’t just fade with time; it runs deep, tied to our primal instincts and childhood experiences.
But we can identify the negative emotions we feel towards our parents, reflect on the patterns we’ve internalised from them, and notice how they show up in our lives.
If we don’t, this pain can keep us stuck in cycles of resentment, disappointment, and frustration. It can make us reactive, drain our energy, and even sabotage our relationships and personal growth.
But by doing the work – taking even small steps – we can begin to reclaim our freedom and live with greater peace and clarity.
Mentioned in this episode:
Evolve – October 3rd, 2025
An intimate afternoon and evening with Lorin Krenn in London
The Deep Polarity Program
An 8-week immersive journey to unlock the deepest intimacy through masculine & feminine dynamics
Transcript
For so many people, unresolved mother and father wounds are the number one reason
Speaker:why they still feel stuck, stuck in painful emotions, stuck in their healing,
Speaker:stuck in their awakening, stuck in feeling free to be fully themselves, to walk their
Speaker:path with total alignment and clarity.
Speaker:This is because the soul can never truly mature unless we work through
Speaker:our mother and father wounding.
Speaker:And today we're going to take a deep dive into all the ways Mother and Father
Speaker:wounding might still be impacting you, from the most common to the subtle
Speaker:ones, and we'll get very practical.
Speaker:How can you break free from this?
Speaker:I'm gonna help you by supporting you with a lot of practical
Speaker:steps in today's episode.
Speaker:Welcome to the Masculine and Feminine Dynamics Podcast.
Speaker:My name is Lorin Krenn and I'm a coach, author, and hypnotherapist.
Speaker:I help you to understand masculine and feminine dynamics Let's dive in.
Speaker:Ram Das has this beautiful saying, if you think you are enlightened,
Speaker:try spending a week with your family.
Speaker:And it sums this topic up in a really powerful way and humorous.
Speaker:But there is so much truth in that because blood family and the unresolved wounds
Speaker:around it, they go to our very core.
Speaker:It doesn't get more primal than that.
Speaker:And if something goes so deeply to our core, if something is so
Speaker:primal, then it takes usually much more effort to work through it.
Speaker:Because in a way, we have to transcend our biology.
Speaker:In a way we have to transcend years of pleasing perhaps our mother or
Speaker:father, shrinking, playing small, diminishing our light, trying to
Speaker:meet their expectations, trying to be finally seen and validated by them.
Speaker:But it's this, this loyalty, the loyalty to the blood family.
Speaker:Loyalty that is wrapped around guilt and of manipulation, and
Speaker:loyalty that has nothing to do with a conscious heart-centered choice.
Speaker:And even people who have done deep work on this, they often too, have not fully
Speaker:ventured into the depths of working through mother and father wounding.
Speaker:They often still harbor great resentment, anger, frustration
Speaker:with their parents, whether they're alive or have already passed away.
Speaker:And this is not because they're doing anything wrong.
Speaker:It's because to truly see things for what they are, to truly let go
Speaker:of no longer needing things to be a certain way, trying for them to be a
Speaker:certain way, no longer harboring this resentment or anger or frustration or
Speaker:disappointment, to truly let go of that, that's the deepest work, some of the
Speaker:deepest and hardest work we can ever do.
Speaker:And as painful and as challenging as it is at the same time, it is the kind
Speaker:of work that allows our soul to evolve.
Speaker:It allows our soul to mature in ways it might have not yet experienced.
Speaker:Because look at it from this perspective.
Speaker:I like to say the soul cannot mature fully without releasing the mother and father.
Speaker:And by releasing, I don't mean getting rid of, mean, letting go of needing
Speaker:it to be a certain way, letting go of wanting it to be different, letting
Speaker:go of the internalized voices of unworthiness and conditional love, you
Speaker:might have internalized growing up.
Speaker:Many spiritual seekers believe they are detached, but often they're still
Speaker:playing out subtle and unconscious.
Speaker:Unresolved mother and father wounding.
Speaker:So let's get really practical.
Speaker:Let's talk about the exact things, from the common to the subtler that
Speaker:we need to work on and exactly what you can do to break free step by step.
Speaker:Step number one is watch out for any negative emotions you might
Speaker:still be harboring toward your mother and father, whether they're
Speaker:alive or have already passed away.
Speaker:There is nothing wrong with it, but you might be drinking the poison
Speaker:from the past again and again.
Speaker:And the mind tends to get stuck in that because it says they did this to me.
Speaker:They did that to me.
Speaker:And if they could only see me, if they could only take responsibility,
Speaker:maybe I can show up differently and then something will change.
Speaker:But you see, we're still drinking that same poison, that same pain.
Speaker:We're still playing that same role that we have played perhaps growing up.
Speaker:We're still trying for it to be a certain way.
Speaker:There is this energy of desperation and frustration behind it.
Speaker:And this has nothing to do with detachment or healthy detachment as long as we're
Speaker:still harboring these negative emotions.
Speaker:As long as there is still this intensity behind it, we're still falling into
Speaker:the little girl or little boy, rather than being our higher self, rather than
Speaker:being the mature soul that we are now.
Speaker:Whether you feel rage or a cold distance, a kind of fuck you energy
Speaker:towards your mother or father, or strong sadness, clearly, your primal ties
Speaker:to your mother and father are still causing emotional pain inside you.
Speaker:They're pulling you into an unconscious state, and this is the key.
Speaker:If your mother and father and dynamics can still pull you into an unconscious
Speaker:state where you don't feel aligned, where you feel disconnected from
Speaker:yourself, where you feel angry, frustrated, desperate, disappointed,
Speaker:then they still hold power over you.
Speaker:And you might say, well, that's normal, and I'm not saying it isn't.
Speaker:But I'm saying if you are like me, which most likely you are, and
Speaker:you want to embody and expand into the highest version of yourself,
Speaker:then you have to look at this.
Speaker:You have to look at everything where you're still giving your power away.
Speaker:If they have the power to make you unconscious, then they
Speaker:still hold power over you and your soul cannot fully mature.
Speaker:The little boy or girl is still there who was abandoned, loved
Speaker:conditionally, unmet and unseen, had to shrink, bend, accommodate, or believe
Speaker:something was wrong with her or him.
Speaker:And this has a very strong energetic impact on your life.
Speaker:Because if your energy, if your consciousness is still, if your soul
Speaker:is still wrapped up in this unresolved wounding, which again, give yourself
Speaker:grace, this takes years and it's continuous work, and it's not about
Speaker:getting to this perfect stage of being healed, but it's getting to
Speaker:this place where you are no longer pulled into a very unconscious state.
Speaker:You can just accept things for how they are.
Speaker:You can set boundaries, you can be fully yourself, and at least it no
Speaker:longer has such an impact on you that you go back into the little
Speaker:boy and girl and lose yourself.
Speaker:We're not talking about perfectly enlightened, and everything
Speaker:is only healed and perfect.
Speaker:We're talking about reaching a certain level and state in your evolution.
Speaker:One, most people have never touched, not because they're weak, not because
Speaker:they're not enlightened enough, but because this is the real hard
Speaker:shit, the real hard work to do.
Speaker:Also, it leads to your nervous system being dysregulated.
Speaker:When you're still wrapped up energetically in that your nervous system keeps being
Speaker:dysregulated by that, which is having a detrimental effect in your life.
Speaker:It's not allowing your true presence, your grounded presence, your power, your
Speaker:authentic power to fully shine through.
Speaker:So I invite you to pause for a moment and jot down or reflect.
Speaker:What negative emotions are you still harboring?
Speaker:What is still pulling you into an unconscious state?
Speaker:And do these emotions have any real significant purpose in your life?
Speaker:We like to justify these emotions.
Speaker:They have heard me, they have done this, and I respect that.
Speaker:In fact, I see you.
Speaker:I understand you are in your right to be sad, to be disappointed, to be angry.
Speaker:And there is a of, there needs to be space to allow yourself to feel
Speaker:the fullness of these emotions.
Speaker:But it, it's when you get stuck in them, that's when you are not doing
Speaker:anyone a favor, least yourself.
Speaker:Because now the pain you have experienced in the past is literally
Speaker:the pain or the, the building blocks of what you're creating, your
Speaker:future, your current presence with.
Speaker:They're gonna seep into your relationship, your intimate life
Speaker:specifically, but everywhere ultimately.
Speaker:And that's not doing yourself a favor, that's not honoring your
Speaker:true heart and soul in this life.
Speaker:Once you become aware of what negative emotions you have, and specifically how
Speaker:you might still be, how unconsciously justifying your anger, justifying
Speaker:your frustration, justifying your disappointment, you start to understand
Speaker:that you can drop that or you can start the journey of dropping that.
Speaker:How would you show up differently?
Speaker:How would you feel differently by no longer feeding this energy?
Speaker:You will become more fully yourself.
Speaker:You'll become more grounded, you'll become more present, and
Speaker:your light will be able to shine through you much more effortlessly.
Speaker:Step number two is to look at what voice and programming have you
Speaker:internalized, whether your parents have passed away or are still alive.
Speaker:We so often internalize the voice of our angry father, our mother who loved us only
Speaker:conditionally, or the parent who said, we're never in, that we're not enough
Speaker:or the many other ways in how it was communicated, and we interpreted this way.
Speaker:That voice is most likely alive somewhere in your subconscious
Speaker:and it's impacting you.
Speaker:Some of the deepest work you can do is, is to find that little voice, is
Speaker:to spot that part inside you that, for instance gaslights you like
Speaker:your father or mother gaslight you.
Speaker:Gaslighting is when someone makes you doubt your own perception and
Speaker:memory where you go into a state of deeply questioning yourself.
Speaker:It creates almost a fracture spiritually because you have no longer trust in
Speaker:yourself, and you now place trust in someone else so they can control you.
Speaker:And the idea behind it is control.
Speaker:You see, this is a good example, gaslighting because it's a very
Speaker:intense example when a matter of father gaslights the child.
Speaker:Oh that wasn't a big deal, that didn't really happen.
Speaker:You can't remember it correctly.
Speaker:It becomes internalized and it continues in your life how you question yourself.
Speaker:And then there are all the unconscious programming that are passed
Speaker:down from our mother and father about their unworthiness, their
Speaker:generational trauma, and their pain.
Speaker:And with that unconscious programming, think about it for a moment.
Speaker:We, we try so hard to not be like our parents in certain ways, and
Speaker:yet often we notice we display the same patterns in our adult life.
Speaker:The same programming and conditioning we've pushed away.
Speaker:We then somewhere took on and start to express perhaps in different
Speaker:or more subtle ways as well.
Speaker:So one of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself,
Speaker:an honest interest, introspection.
Speaker:What patterns are you displaying of your mother or father?
Speaker:What generational trauma, what disconnect, what pain are you
Speaker:carrying that is not yours?
Speaker:So much of what we carry is not ours, and all we have to do is give our permission,
Speaker:give ourselves permission to drop it.
Speaker:And it doesn't necessarily happen overnight, but just by giving ourself
Speaker:permission, recognizing it as not being our pain and burden to carry,
Speaker:we then start to feel lighter, and in that process we're already
Speaker:healing and already expanding.
Speaker:Talking about burdens, sometimes the way this happens is that you now
Speaker:feel responsible for your mother or father, maybe because that's how they
Speaker:made you feel, because they, they projected their emotional challenges
Speaker:onto you, and you could no longer be a child, but you took the role as
Speaker:parent and now you feel responsible.
Speaker:But that intrinsically is something you are caring that is not yours to carry.
Speaker:And when you drop these things, you break free.
Speaker:And in fact, it is also the only way to look at your parents in a compassionate
Speaker:way, to love them for who they are because you have accepted reality and
Speaker:you have stepped into your true power.
Speaker:And from that place you can see things clearly.
Speaker:And only when you see things clearly can you actually love clearly.
Speaker:Otherwise, everything is mixed up and wrapped up with guilt, unconscious,
Speaker:unspoken, loyalty to the blood family, and it isn't really love or compassion.
Speaker:It's more playing a role, an unconscious role that very often
Speaker:makes you unconscious and drains your life force that drains your soul.
Speaker:So once you notice these patterns and whatever you are carrying or how you
Speaker:are showing up in a way as they showed up, whether you are carrying something
Speaker:that is not yours to carry or you are showing up in a wounded an unconscious
Speaker:way as your father or mother did, and you are now modeling this because you have
Speaker:in you have has been ingrained in your subconscious, some of the most powerful
Speaker:steps you can take is to protect others from this, because if you can start to
Speaker:protect others from this, then it means you have reached a level of healing where
Speaker:everything starts to shift in your life.
Speaker:We often don't see life as it is or relationships as they are.
Speaker:We interpret life through our wounds, and specifically our mother and father wounds.
Speaker:We respond with reactivity and we project this onto others.
Speaker:If we feel we could never fully trust our parents, we will project that
Speaker:distrust onto our intimate partner.
Speaker:If we felt not good enough for who we are, we will either say unconsciously
Speaker:yes to people who don't choose us fully, or even in a relationship where
Speaker:we are truly loved for who we are subconsciously sabotage and reaffirm and
Speaker:create a reality where we feel unworthy and not loved for who we truly are.
Speaker:And that is what you most importantly, need to become aware of.
Speaker:How are you still projecting this onto others?
Speaker:Because when you stop the projections, you stop the pain of the past from defining
Speaker:your present, from defining your future.
Speaker:You step out of that inner hurt little boy and girl, and you step
Speaker:into your higher self, into the powerful soul that you truly are.
Speaker:So once you start dropping the negative emotions, you start
Speaker:to accept things as they are.
Speaker:You are at peace with not being seen, not being validated, for
Speaker:your expectations not being met.
Speaker:Once you start to stop projecting on others and dropping and releasing
Speaker:the pain that is not yours to carry your presence, your energy starts
Speaker:to have a totally different quality.
Speaker:People can feel a shift in your energy because you are more free, you are
Speaker:more expansive, you are more yourself, because your soul is free now.
Speaker:Otherwise, the soul gets, stays wrapped up and stuck in this dynamics, and now your
Speaker:soul is free or much more free at least.
Speaker:As long as we breathe.
Speaker:We've got healing work to do and people can feel that in your energy.
Speaker:That level of freedom, that level of peace, that that level of reclaiming
Speaker:of who you are, that level of embodiment, people can sense it.
Speaker:It makes you more magnetic.
Speaker:It allows people to feel more safe and secure in your presence.
Speaker:It activates people in a good way, in an empowering way.
Speaker:Which leads us to step number three, which is the hardest and most important.
Speaker:The ultimate step for those whose parents are still alive and then
Speaker:switching over to where one or both parents might have already passed
Speaker:away, assume that they will never fully see you, understand you, respect you.
Speaker:Absolutely never.
Speaker:If you knew this is a hundred percent true, how would you show up differently?
Speaker:Would you still be prioritizing them energetically?
Speaker:Answer every message with frenzy, jump at every demand, play out the constant cycle
Speaker:of trying, being disappointed, being sad, being angry, being frustrated, feeling
Speaker:bad about not being seen all the time?
Speaker:The truth is, if you would only show up 1% differently, that is your work.
Speaker:I'm not saying this is what's going to happen, but as long as you don't face the
Speaker:reality that this is what might happen, that you are never fully seen, never
Speaker:fully respected, and never fully loved for who you are, you cannot break free.
Speaker:And the crazy paradox is that when you choose to accept and
Speaker:see that reality fully, then it means you see yourself fully.
Speaker:Because seeing reality fully for what it is, means seeing yourself.
Speaker:There's a sweet and divine paradox in this.
Speaker:How would you show up differently if you knew things will never change?
Speaker:You would have more acceptance, you would've more freedom.
Speaker:You'll be more at peace.
Speaker:You wouldn't constantly be pulled into an unconscious state, wanting
Speaker:things to be different than they are
Speaker:now for those whose parents have already passed away, what unnecessary
Speaker:pain are you still carrying?
Speaker:Because there is an inevitable pain of life when we lose those we love.
Speaker:And I'm not saying that you need to get rid of that because the truth is
Speaker:there is a deep sense of fragility and inevitable pain and suffering
Speaker:that we all experience or pain.
Speaker:And there is a suffering, or we get stuck in that pain.
Speaker:So allow the grief to move through you.
Speaker:Let it crack your heart open because this is what grief does.
Speaker:Grief is the chisel and your, your soul is the sculpture.
Speaker:But how are you unnecessarily suffering here?
Speaker:How are you still holding onto a negative story of, they never
Speaker:saw me, they messed me up.
Speaker:They traumatized me?
Speaker:Who would you be if you dropped that story and instead, turn that pain and
Speaker:trauma into your highest expansion, into your fuel, into your vehicle,
Speaker:to open your heart deeper than ever before, to awaken and become more
Speaker:fully yourself than ever before?
Speaker:Which leaves us with the ultimate question for today.
Speaker:How can you turn your greatest suffering into a force of
Speaker:light, into a force for good?
Speaker:How can you turn into something where you love deeper, care deeper, and
Speaker:become even more compassionate, while, of course, holding clear energetic
Speaker:boundaries, and protecting your heart fiercely from what is not in
Speaker:alignment and where you are not seen?
Speaker:This is not about getting rid of your parents.
Speaker:This is not about talking bad about your parents and judging them.
Speaker:This is about allowing your soul to evolve and to break free from the
Speaker:internalized voice, the pain that is not yours to carry, the unconscious
Speaker:loyalty, guilt, and responsibility you feel that you don't need to carry.
Speaker:This is about finally fully claiming who you truly are.
Speaker:No longer allowing your energy, your spirit, and consciousness to
Speaker:be wrapped up in the little boy and little girl that was hurt.
Speaker:But instead to say, I honor the pain, I allow the pain to flow through me.
Speaker:I embrace every emotion.
Speaker:If you cry, you cry.
Speaker:If it takes years, it takes years.
Speaker:You honor all that arises, and at the same time, you don't allow
Speaker:yourself to get stuck there.
Speaker:You turn it into your highest expansion.
Speaker:And when you do this, everything in your life starts to change.
Speaker:It impacts every area of your life.
Speaker:Your relationships become more fulfilling.
Speaker:You draw more abundance into your life because you are now your higher
Speaker:self, rather than a saw wrapped up in unresolved dynamics and wounding.
Speaker:The deeper fulfillment and depth and love you long for is on the other side
Speaker:of facing everything that still needs to be faced, where you are experiencing
Speaker:suffering, pain, or dysregulation because of your mother or father.
Speaker:Choose this fully every single day.
Speaker:Face all that needs to be faced.
Speaker:Welcome all emotions that arise and you expand and evolve at the highest level.
Speaker:Thank you for listening to this episode.
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