Why 'Being More Vulnerable' is NOT the Answer For Men
Being authentically vulnerable and expressing emotions for men involves finding a balance between sharing our deepest feelings and staying connected to our masculine energy.
It’s not about venting or projecting emotional overwhelm onto others, but rather speaking our truth with clarity, courage, and responsibility. By embodying Warrior Vulnerability, we can create deeper connection and intimacy while staying rooted in our masculine power.
Men who confuse vulnerability with complaining or venting can end up feeling more disconnected from their masculine energy and true nature. This can lead to distrust and disconnect with the feminine.
But by embracing Warrior Vulnerability, men can express their heart's deepest truth in a clear and responsible manner, enriching the dance of intimacy.
Mentioned in this episode:
The Deep Polarity Program
An 8-week immersive journey to unlock the deepest intimacy through masculine & feminine dynamics.
Transcript
We hear this all the time.
Speaker:Men need to be more emotionally expressive.
Speaker:Men need to become more vulnerable.
Speaker:And while there is a deep truth in that, it can easily lead men down the wrong path.
Speaker:I've seen this again and again in the countless men I work with, whether it's in my men's groups or working with men one-on-one.
Speaker:They try to become more emotionally expressive and vulnerable.
Speaker:However, it makes them feel more disconnected from their masculine energy, from their true nature, and it causes disconnect and distrust with the feminine.
Speaker:How can this be?
Speaker:You as a woman listening, is that not what you want from us?
Speaker:So why is it causing disconnect and why for the men listening, why is that making us feel disconnected from our masculine energy?
Speaker:Well, I'm going to provide this answer in a crystal clear and practical way in today's episode.
Speaker:Because there is a way how we as men can be emotionally expressive and vulnerable, specifically with the feminine in a way so that we actually embody our masculine energy more, we connect more with our deeper truth, while at the same time creating deeper connection and intimacy with the feminine.
Speaker:But I tell you this, the kind of cliche saying, be more vulnerable is not going to work.
Speaker:It needs a deeper answer, and this is going to be provided in this episode.
Speaker:And this episode is not just for men, because as a woman listening, you will learn profound things about a man's spiritual journey and how to support him with this specific matter in a way without giving your power away.
Speaker:In recent years, the idea of becoming vulnerable and emotionally expressive has become important, and rightly so.
Speaker:Because part of our generational trauma as men is that we are emotionally shut down, emotionally suppressed.
Speaker:We have difficulties connecting with our emotions, and hence expressing our emotions, sharing our heart's deepest truth.
Speaker:And now while this is incredibly important, there is a difference between real vulnerability, what I call warrior vulnerability or masculine vulnerability, and false vulnerability.
Speaker:Let's get practical and define the two.
Speaker:False vulnerability means complaining, playing the victim, venting, being passive, being directionless.
Speaker:In short, projecting our emotional overwhelm onto the feminine, which causes disconnect and which causes distrust.
Speaker:This is not sharing our deepest heart's truth, actually.
Speaker:It's venting, it's complaining.
Speaker:Now, real vulnerability is speaking our heart's deepest truth.
Speaker:Without sugarcoating, without secrecy, being extremely clear with courage, while maintaining some form of structure and holding space, taking full responsibility for our experience.
Speaker:Now the latter creates more emotional intimacy and connection and allows us to embody more of our masculine energy.
Speaker:The first causes real disconnect and distrust with the feminine.
Speaker:Because what is happening here?
Speaker:When we are projecting emotional overwhelm onto her, were actually not being vulnerable.
Speaker:What we are doing is we are pushing her into her masculine energy.
Speaker:Why?
Speaker:Because as the masculine, the dance of intimacy with the feminine, our responsibility energetically is to hold space and to, to create a safe container.
Speaker:And in that moment what happens is that we are collapsing energetically.
Speaker:We are faltering, we are crumbling, and we're almost like saying, help me, help me.
Speaker:I'm falling apart.
Speaker:Do something.
Speaker:That is the message, the feminine nervous system and intuition is receiving in that moment.
Speaker:So she can no longer be in her feminine energy.
Speaker:She has to go into her masculine, try to fix, and she now has to be the space.
Speaker:She now has to create the energetic container because you are falling into pieces energetically.
Speaker:There is an important thing to be mentioned here.
Speaker:When you have just experienced a tragic loss as a man or you're going for an immensely difficult time, then it is completely fine to have the feminine by your side.
Speaker:And that she, or that you as a woman, that you are supporting us in, that this is not black and white.
Speaker:We're not here to be dogmatic.
Speaker:Now let's go into a really practical example here.
Speaker:Feel into the difference between the two as a man and as a woman listening.
Speaker:Number one.
Speaker:Baby, I'm struggling with self-doubt today and challenging emotions.
Speaker:You can feel my energy most likely.
Speaker:I'm going through something challenging, but this is my experience and I'm dealing with it.
Speaker:Boom.
Speaker:Can you feel how powerful that is?
Speaker:Can you feel how, when you share something like that, you are still connected to your masculine energy?
Speaker:And you as a woman listening, can you feel how that feels to you?
Speaker:How safe, how attractive that is for a man to share?
Speaker:And how much trust you have in him being able to hold the space while also honoring and supporting him in his emotionally challenging experience?
Speaker:Most likely, yes.
Speaker:And now feel into the difference of the second one.
Speaker:Baby, everything is too much today.
Speaker:I cannot deal with all of this today.
Speaker:I'm so stressed.
Speaker:Can you see how here the emotional overwhelm is being projected onto her?
Speaker:And can you see how this pushes the feminine into her masculine?
Speaker:And in that moment, you have, without knowing, unconsciously abandoned your energetic responsibility as the masculine in the dance of intimacy?
Speaker:And she now has to, so to speak, fill the gap and be the space holder.
Speaker:And create the container?
Speaker:And the message it's going to send at a deeper level, even if you, as a woman of feminine identified being, even if you don't think about this consciously, the message it sends to you is he cannot lead himself.
Speaker:He cannot hold himself, and therefore he cannot hold us, the container, the union, the energy, the relationship.
Speaker:So what is the practice here for us men?
Speaker:As you've heard already, the practice is to express our heart's deepest truth, with no secrecy, not hiding or holding anything back.
Speaker:But at the same time remaining grounded.
Speaker:No matter how challenging the emotional experience is, giving our best to still, at some level, it's not perfect.
Speaker:We're not the knight in shining armor, right?
Speaker:It's not about being the perfect space holder, and you are always unwaveringly dealing with everything perfectly.
Speaker:You're allowed to go for your changing experience.
Speaker:The idea is to not entirely abandon all structure, all direction, and space holding and creating a container.
Speaker:As long as there is still a part within your life, that is the moment where you can be emotionally expressive and vulnerable while creating deeper intimacy and stepping more into your masculine power.
Speaker:So it's really important to practice grounding.
Speaker:I've shared this breath before.
Speaker:This is a very simple breath.
Speaker:You focus on your lower body.
Speaker:Your lower body is connected to the earth, so your lower body is your primal masculine energy, the wild man within you, and that energy is connected to the earth.
Speaker:So as you feel your feet, as you feel your cock, as you feel your balls, you naturally feel somewhat more grounded.
Speaker:Now from here breathing through your nostrils, you wanna breathe all the way down into your cock and balls, and expand the lower belly fully on the inhale and deflate the belly on the exhale.
Speaker:This breath is a really powerful way of grounding.
Speaker:And when you ground and then share your emotional experience, it comes from that deeper place.
Speaker:It comes from your masculine core, rather from a place of emotional projection and total overwhelm.
Speaker:And she's going to feel the difference.
Speaker:She's going to go wild.
Speaker:If you embody this as a woman, you will sense this so deeply.
Speaker:You will feel us so deeply in our practice as a warrior.
Speaker:I call this a warrior's vulnerability.
Speaker:You are being a warrior and you are not falling apart and crumbling.
Speaker:Because even the strongest warriors go through challenges, but they do not allow these challenges to completely make them collapse.
Speaker:There is still at least 1% there that is holding the space.
Speaker:And that is the kind of energy of masculine or a warriors vulnerability.
Speaker:And everything else, venting, complaining, projecting is not really vulnerability.
Speaker:And is also not really emotional expression.
Speaker:Well, at least not conscious emotional expression.
Speaker:It's unconscious and it's going to have the opposite effect.
Speaker:Again, also, the focus here is to be very concise.
Speaker:Not to ramble too long about it.
Speaker:Don't sugarcoat, don't hold anything back in delivering your heart's truth.
Speaker:But at the same time, don't go into too much rambling about it.
Speaker:Specifically not with the feminine, because you might start talking yourself into a drama and into an emotional overwhelm.
Speaker:It is completely fine to express our emotional challenges with the feminine, but it is important to not project our overwhelm onto her.
Speaker:If we notice that we are always venting and emotion, projecting emotion overwhelm, that is a powerful invitation, for instance, to enter men's group, or to surround yourself with powerful other men with whom you can talk about this while strengthening your masculine energy and being surrounded by strong men.
Speaker:This is one of the many reasons why I am hosting my awakened masculine programs and why I'm hosting my men's groups every couple of months.
Speaker:The more you are in your practice of what we can call a warrior's vulnerability or expressing vulnerability in a masculine way, or when I say masculine way, I'm meaning connected to your masculine and true nature, the more powerful you will feel.
Speaker:You will feel that you can be totally vulnerable and emotionally expressive in a way that actually strengthens your masculine energy.
Speaker:And you will receive the beautiful feedback of the feminine that it's welcome, that it only makes her honor and respect you more.
Speaker:And as a woman listening, how can you support us men in this journey?
Speaker:How can you support us specifically around this?
Speaker:So number one, you are most likely doing this already.
Speaker:You are expressing through your feminine oracle, through your divine feminine mirror, through us when we're actually coming from a place of false vulnerability.
Speaker:You show this to us by contracting your heart, by feeling unsafe and voicing your upset in that moment, or showing us expressed through your body.
Speaker:Even though challenging for us to receive, these are important cues.
Speaker:We need to see the direct consequences of projecting our emotional overwhelm.
Speaker:So this is part of your expression.
Speaker:Do not police yourself.
Speaker:Do not sugarcoat it and do not be afraid that this is going to challenge us.
Speaker:Having said that, of course it is important to express, even if your truth may be fierce, because love is fierce at times, and if it's not, it might be fear, right?
Speaker:Love is not always soft, it is fierce at times.
Speaker:But even if it's fierce, we wanted to come from a place of love, from your oracle and not from your shadow or from your wounding.
Speaker:Your shadow might say in that moment, you are weak.
Speaker:You are a weak man.
Speaker:You are this, this, or that.
Speaker:In that moment, you're actually not supporting him.
Speaker:You are going to trigger the generational trauma of us men, of us being a failure, of us not being good enough.
Speaker:So it's very, very important that you separate the action from the character.
Speaker:As you separate the action from our character, you so to speak, ignite or inspire our protective instincts.
Speaker:Because now the action is standing in the way between us and you and not our character.
Speaker:Calling out our character makes us feel as there is something wrong with us, and we cannot be the man we want to be, and you desire us to be.
Speaker:And they also have to go on hand in hand of course, but that's another topic.
Speaker:Um, but when you focus on the action and say, this really made me feel unsafe, that completely changes how we are perceiving this.
Speaker:It doesn't mean we're gonna receive it perfectly.
Speaker:However, a man who is doing the work for the man listening here, I know you will be able to receive this at a much better level.
Speaker:Now, on the other hand, giving us feedback when we are sharing our heart's deepest truth, while still holding space, while still not, at least not entirely abandoning our energetic responsibility as the masculine polarity in the dance of intimacy, when you can give us feedback in these moments like you are a warrior, you are my man, you are so strong.
Speaker:I love seeing this way.
Speaker:I know for some of you this might sound like, what the fuck?
Speaker:Why do I need to say that to a man?
Speaker:Shouldn't an awakened man know these things?
Speaker:And yes, he, he shouldn't need you to know that he's a warrior, that he's powerful and to believe in himself.
Speaker:But I tell you this, it really touches our heart.
Speaker:It really touches our heart.
Speaker:So, so express this to us.
Speaker:When I'm going through an emotionally challeng experience and I'm, I'm still holding the space, but sharing in a grounded way with my wife, then she often lets me know you are my warrior.
Speaker:You're so strong, you can do anything.
Speaker:And I feel that trust and I feel that sense of connection and deeper intimacy between us because she senses my, my spiritual warriorship in that moment.
Speaker:And she knows how hard this is.
Speaker:But I'm not collapsing.
Speaker:I'm still connected to my power and rooted, at least in some way.
Speaker:That is such a beautiful reflection, and if you give us that reflection, it's gonna inspire us even more to step in our power and to share more in that way.
Speaker:Of course, primarily as men, we should do this, not in order to please our feminine counterpart, but because we want to stay in our highest power.
Speaker:But of course, being in our highest power always translates also into creating deeper intimacy and connection with the feminine.
Speaker:This is a total win win.
Speaker:So the more you practice this and it, it takes time and it takes practice, you're not gonna get this always right and that's completely fine.
Speaker:Later on when you have created, when you have maybe projected some overwhelm, you can go to your feminine counterpart, and you can share with her, you can restore integrity by letting her know that you are in an emotional overwhelmed, but that you are taking full responsibility and what your experience is.
Speaker:And that's the, that in itself will make her feel much more safe and connected to you than if you wouldn't do that whatsoever and you just leave it there, because then that would mean she would feel you, that you are unconscious around this is a pattern and you're not seeing it and you're not, you're not taking life by the balls and
Speaker:working through the things that need to be worked through for you to go to the highest level, but also in your relationship for you both to go to the highest level.
Speaker:Be vulnerable.
Speaker:Be emotionally expressive, but do it in the art of spiritual warriorship, while still being connected to your masculine and energy.
Speaker:And watch how your intimate life completely transforms.
Speaker:Watch how it creates more connection with the feminine, and how you feel more rooted in your fucking power.
Speaker:Thank you so much for listening.
Speaker:I'm so honored to have you here.
Speaker:If you have listened to the entire episode, this means you are really deep in your journey.
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Speaker:Wherever you are and whatever you are facing right now, uh, we share the most grace and healing and awakening in your journey.
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