How the Mother Wound Blocks a Man from Love and His Power
Many men today never complete the crucial step from boyhood to manhood: separating emotionally from their mothers and establishing their own authority. This leaves them emotionally stunted, unable to form healthy partnerships or embody true commitment. They remain trapped in patterns of seeking approval, avoiding conflict, and prioritising harmony over truth.
Men need to cross that symbolic threshold where they shift from dependency to sovereignty. This doesn't mean cutting off their mother, but transforming the relationship from boy-mother to man-mother, where he walks his own path without needing her emotional approval.
When a man fails to address his mother wound, his energy becomes scattered, his boundaries inconsistent. He can’t fully choose or commit to a woman because that capacity simply isn't there.
But in this episode, Lorin offers ways to examine where you might be carrying false guilt, to notice how this guilt affects your decisions and drains your energy, and to begin releasing it.
Mentioned in this episode:
The Conscious Couples Program
A 9-week immersive journey to create conscious intimacy, connection, and deep transformation.
The Awakened Masculine Program
An 8-week immersive journey into the depths of unleashing your awakened masculine power
Transcript
Most men have never gone through the step that actually turns a boy into a man.
Speaker:The step where he separates from his mother and steps into his own authority.
Speaker:When that step is missing, a man stays stunted.
Speaker:His emotional spiritual development stays standard.
Speaker:He's not able to form healthy and deep partnership, to embody true devotion,
Speaker:true commitment, and true presence.
Speaker:But this goes even deeper.
Speaker:He keeps repeating patterns he cannot see.
Speaker:A man who's still seeking the emotional approval of his mother, who feels guilty
Speaker:of disappointing her, who shapes his choices around his mother's expectations.
Speaker:Such a man simply cannot be in his true power.
Speaker:He cannot be fully available for a relationship.
Speaker:He cannot be fully committed.
Speaker:He cannot lead with clarity.
Speaker:He cannot embody the grounded presence required for real intimacy.
Speaker:In this episode, we go beyond just exploring what the
Speaker:mother wound in men truly is.
Speaker:We go into the initiation that must occur for a man to evolve, and
Speaker:how he can compensate for it now.
Speaker:There is a real path forward.
Speaker:We'll look at how the mother wound blocks love, blocks a man's power,
Speaker:his capacity to show up fully, and also what can be done to restore it.
Speaker:And for the women listening, I speak to you as well in this episode.
Speaker:Later.
Speaker:In this episode, I will guide you through what is actually
Speaker:happening when you find yourself caught between him and his mother.
Speaker:You will understand the dynamic, the pressure you feel, and what
Speaker:choices you genuinely have.
Speaker:Welcome to the Masculine and Feminine Dynamics podcast.
Speaker:My name is Lorin Krenn, and I'm a coach, author, and hypnotherapist.
Speaker:I help you to understand masculine and feminine dynamics at the deepest level.
Speaker:Before we begin this episode, make sure you are subscribed
Speaker:so you never miss an episode.
Speaker:To sum up the mother wound in one practical sentence, it is the emotional
Speaker:inheritance a boy receives when his mother over relies on him for
Speaker:emotional stability or and identity.
Speaker:When the father's presence is missing altogether or inconsistent,
Speaker:the boy often becomes the emotional anchor of the mother.
Speaker:He learns early on that he receives approval, he receives validation
Speaker:for caretaking, for his mother's feelings rather than following his
Speaker:own impulse, becoming or feeling like a secure man, forming his identity
Speaker:as a man, carving his path, his direction, his vision, his character.
Speaker:He learns from an early age that harmony is more important than truth.
Speaker:His deepest inner impulse, intuition, and truth.
Speaker:That, he learns that soothing a woman is more important than
Speaker:staying rooted in himself.
Speaker:This creates a man who is sensitive, but unrooted, ungrounded, kind,
Speaker:but directionless, present, yet pulled away from his center,
Speaker:which isn't true presence.
Speaker:This early pattern shapes everything he does as an adult, including the way
Speaker:he shows up in love, in leadership, in decision making, and in intimacy.
Speaker:And we have to be very mindful here and distinguish, because some of you might
Speaker:listen to this and think, what is wrong with wanting to soothe or please a woman?
Speaker:There's nothing wrong with being genuinely there for a woman,
Speaker:and helping a woman in need.
Speaker:In fact, that's beautiful supporting, and all of that.
Speaker:It's just when it's tied to receiving approval, receiving validation, and
Speaker:forms a man's identity, then it's not coming from his deeper presence or truth.
Speaker:It's coming from a deeper sense of pain and being stuck and
Speaker:emotionally and spiritually stunted.
Speaker:But let's go even deeper.
Speaker:Ancient cultures understood something that modern society has forgotten.
Speaker:A boy must be separated from the mother and guided into his
Speaker:own and deepest power by men.
Speaker:By one or more healthy masculine role models.
Speaker:The first stage of initiation in ancient cultures was always a form of, we
Speaker:can call it symbolic death, the death of the boy, so the man could emerge.
Speaker:There is a threshold that had to be crossed here, and an internal
Speaker:shift from dependency and the strong attachment to the mother to sovereignty.
Speaker:It's not that a man then no longer cares about his mother
Speaker:or never speaks to her again.
Speaker:It's that his attachment to her shifts from boy, mother, to man who honors
Speaker:his biological mother, but walks his own path and truth without placing his
Speaker:mother on a pedestal, without needing his mother for emotional approval
Speaker:or important decisions in his life.
Speaker:Modern society has removed that initiation.
Speaker:So I'm not doing mother blaming here.
Speaker:it's challenging.
Speaker:It's challenging for the mother, it's challenging for the son.
Speaker:It's not really anyone's fault.
Speaker:It's not like the matter consciously would do anything along those lines.
Speaker:It's more that there this huge lack of initiation for men and healthy
Speaker:masculine role models and fathers who are truly present, grounded and
Speaker:embodi healthy, masculine energy is naturally leading to this.
Speaker:And when this initiation disappears, a man's psyche remains tied to
Speaker:his mother, his identity as a man.
Speaker:So I'm not saying he's a boy because I'm shaming man.
Speaker:Quite literally the boy in him is still alive, unchallenged, untested,
Speaker:uninitiated, never having been separate, separated from his mother
Speaker:to form his own identity, to form his own path, and then step into a very
Speaker:different mature relationship with her.
Speaker:One that is very different than a son and a mother.
Speaker:A son needs his mother's approval and her her soothing.
Speaker:A man should not need any of that.
Speaker:When a man is calling his mother in need and collapsing onto her
Speaker:or asking her about important decisions in his life, then nine
Speaker:out of 10 times it's a mother wound.
Speaker:The only time where there's an exception is if the mother is incredibly
Speaker:at a high level of consciousness embodied, grounded in her power,
Speaker:and can actually be a kind of elder.
Speaker:That is different, but that is not the case for most people.
Speaker:That will be a unique example, and that is why I say nothing is black and white.
Speaker:But still, even if that were the case, a man shouldn't rely on his mother.
Speaker:He should trust and be able to make decisions from his own core and own truth.
Speaker:Otherwise, he will forever remain stunted.
Speaker:And this boyish energy of the boy who is not, it's, it's not his fault,
Speaker:who has never been initiated into a man shows up in very real ways.
Speaker:It appears as a fear of disappointing women, an inability to say
Speaker:no, an addiction to approval specifically from the feminine,
Speaker:an emotional collapse in conflict.
Speaker:Nice guy, people pleasing patterns, emotional avoidance.
Speaker:Passitivity, the longing to be endlessly mothered and nourished,
Speaker:and only receiving soft and perfect comforting, all engulfing love rather
Speaker:than being met in truth and honesty.
Speaker:And on the opposite side of the spectrum, it shows up as chasing
Speaker:women, seeking validation, pursuing intensity, or trying to win the love he
Speaker:never fully received from the mother.
Speaker:Both expressions come from the same wound, both come from the boy who never
Speaker:crossed the threshold into manhood.
Speaker:In mythology and tribal tradition, the mother held the child close, but
Speaker:she also understood that at a specific moment, the child must leave her orbit.
Speaker:She allowed the elders to take him, and it was the opposite of
Speaker:cruelty, it was actually protection.
Speaker:Because without that necessary separation and identity, forming with healthy
Speaker:masculine role models, the boy never learns to face discomfort, uncertainty,
Speaker:challenge, or the kind of raw intensity that comes with masculine energy, creating
Speaker:and building and carving your path.
Speaker:Moving through obstacles, looking at the world and saying, okay,
Speaker:certain things might be challenging, but I'm going to find a way.
Speaker:Developing a strong, grounded spine that can hold a compassionate heart.
Speaker:Without this confrontation, necessary healthy confrontation with masculine
Speaker:energy that asks him to step up, he never strengthens his intuition.
Speaker:His inner compass remains weak.
Speaker:He becomes dependent on external emotional validation instead of relying
Speaker:on the deeper knowing that only emerges through test, challenge, and initiation.
Speaker:And, good example here is also men who've put a lot of relationships
Speaker:with women, but not with other men.
Speaker:That is a very telltale sign often that a man is seeking that nourishing energy
Speaker:he most likely either didn't receive or overly relied on in his childhood.
Speaker:Now he's perpetuating that he's afraid of really being with other
Speaker:men who don't pamper to his needs.
Speaker:And I'm not saying that women do that.
Speaker:I'm not.
Speaker:It's like it's a man to man, warrior to warrior thing.
Speaker:It's, it's something archaic.
Speaker:It's something really deep.
Speaker:It's a woman's energy, by definition, is much more nourishing and compassionate.
Speaker:It doesn't mean that the man is, is not compassionate, but there is a challenge,
Speaker:a warrior spirit in it that a man can only ever truly receive from another man.
Speaker:It is almost like as long as a man is in an unhealthy attachment with his
Speaker:mother and hasn't experienced and walked through this threshold, he cannot access
Speaker:the deeper voice inside him that tells him where to go and who to become.
Speaker:He needs to separate emotionally from the mother to cross symbolically into manhood.
Speaker:This is not done by just moving out of the house.
Speaker:This is not done by creating his own life.
Speaker:It's even not done by marrying a woman, creating his own family,
Speaker:because energetically, emotionally, and spiritually, it can still remain that same
Speaker:attachment, but now in a different form.
Speaker:I have worked with a lot of men who are extremely powerful,
Speaker:but this was the culprit.
Speaker:This was the underlying issue in their life that didn't allow them
Speaker:to truly commit and truly choose their divine feminine counterpart,
Speaker:to truly show up for their family.
Speaker:The matter was still so entangled, so enmeshed that there was just no space and
Speaker:no access to that deeper voice and truth.
Speaker:And it can impact all areas, but specifically intimate relationship
Speaker:when it comes to devotion and commitment, showing up fully as a
Speaker:man, that's where you see it the most.
Speaker:Some men might still become successful in business, successful
Speaker:in the external world, but in intimacy will always show up.
Speaker:But for other men, it can be in both.
Speaker:It can also mean that they never reach as far as they could in, in business
Speaker:or their worldly success and their abundance, because they're unable to
Speaker:make strong, bold, powerful decisions.
Speaker:But that's not always the case In intimacy and relationship with
Speaker:women always, it shows up 100%.
Speaker:It's exposed.
Speaker:That's why I'm so passionate about this work.
Speaker:In other areas, it can still be hidden, but it might also show up
Speaker:strongly in other areas and stand a man's growth and expansion.
Speaker:And this ties into how it blocks a man's power, because power is the
Speaker:ability to act from one's core.
Speaker:A man stuck in the mother wound cannot take bold action.
Speaker:A man needs to be able to make decisions assertively, decisively.
Speaker:It doesn't mean he needs to do it on the spot and be impulsive about them.
Speaker:There will be another challenge, but to be able to say, this is who I am,
Speaker:this is what I want, without needing external people, not even his partner,
Speaker:because otherwise it's all built on approval seeking validation and
Speaker:being seen a certain way by others.
Speaker:He needs to be able to form his own path, his own direction, his own vision.
Speaker:And yes, he can take in advice and all of that, but that core, that essence,
Speaker:that fundament needs to be there.
Speaker:Because if that fundament is not there, then he's not truly a man.
Speaker:Why?
Speaker:Because he doesn't even feel like a man.
Speaker:That's why many men feel like a boy in a grown up body.
Speaker:There is something symbolic, archaic, and deeply primal about
Speaker:this feeling, which turns out to be something very, very incredibly deep.
Speaker:Power demands clarity, presence, self-trust, and the ability to
Speaker:say yes or no with finality.
Speaker:Yes, I want this.
Speaker:No, I don't want this.
Speaker:This is where I want to go.
Speaker:This is who I am.
Speaker:This is what matters to me.
Speaker:This is what I prefer.
Speaker:This is what I don't prefer.
Speaker:It doesn't mean my way or the highway, but it means there needs to be a self there,
Speaker:a powerful self that knows who you are.
Speaker:Otherwise the self cannot be formed.
Speaker:Otherwise, there is a boy who's looking for others to form and
Speaker:create his self self with capital S.
Speaker:His energy leaks.
Speaker:He cannot be consistent.
Speaker:His boundaries and energies all over the place.
Speaker:His inner world is never fully his own.
Speaker:And it's just not possible for a woman to feel fully chosen in a relationship
Speaker:if he cannot be decisive, he doesn't have that foundation as a man.
Speaker:Without that foundation, he just cannot hold space.
Speaker:He cannot be fully there.
Speaker:He cannot choose a woman fully, no matter how hard he tries.
Speaker:That capacity is simply not there.
Speaker:He can even meditate and do all kinds of things.
Speaker:He needs to go through or compensate, which most men have to do, it's part of
Speaker:the challenge of being a man in today's world, but also a great opportunity
Speaker:to emotionally detach himself in a healthy way from his mother, to form
Speaker:his own path, spirit and identity.
Speaker:The path back to initiation or compensating for the lack of
Speaker:initiation and loss of crossing that threshold is less about physical
Speaker:separation, even though that might play a role, but emotional separation.
Speaker:Because a mother can still control a son even if he lives
Speaker:on the other end of the globe.
Speaker:It's about emotional separation, which is a man who's no longer driven by guilt.
Speaker:He doesn't feel responsible for caretaking the needs of his mother.
Speaker:He doesn't live with that shame and guilt anymore, which already sets
Speaker:free 80% of his power as a man.
Speaker:I'm not joking.
Speaker:80% of your power as a man, boom, available, set free,
Speaker:sovereignty, full power, and fire.
Speaker:This guilt that he's done something wrong.
Speaker:He's disappointing his mother, it all chips away from his essence, his presence.
Speaker:He's scattered.
Speaker:He's got zero energy.
Speaker:A man must free himself from the guilt.
Speaker:Stop feeling guilty.
Speaker:Because in the episode I did with Peter, Dr. Peter Saleno about narcissism,
Speaker:he said something so powerful.
Speaker:He said there is false guilt and real guilt, so to speak.
Speaker:Real guilt is when you've done something wrong, you feel guilt as an informative
Speaker:emotion, so you learn, I'm never gonna do this again because I don't want to
Speaker:experience that reality, cause that pain be out of integrity, et cetera.
Speaker:False guilt is when you feel a burden on your shoulders for something that
Speaker:isn't even your responsibility, but has been somewhat made your responsibility.
Speaker:There are many ways how this can happen, but none of that matters.
Speaker:What matters is it's false guilt.
Speaker:I release that guilt.
Speaker:I don't need to feel guilty for choosing my path as a man.
Speaker:I don't need to.
Speaker:Feel guilty anymore.
Speaker:That's a choice a man makes, and once he makes that, wow.
Speaker:It doesn't mean it happens immediately.
Speaker:He might still be drawn back into it because of challenging
Speaker:family dynamics, but that's the journey where it all begins.
Speaker:Free yourself of the guilt and everything transforms.
Speaker:Another part is ending the search for emotional mattering
Speaker:in romantic relationships.
Speaker:No mattering in relationships, no positivity, but actually seeking a
Speaker:woman who is honest with you, who will challenge you when you are showing up from
Speaker:unconsciousness who will speak a truth, and to receive that, to breathe with that,
Speaker:to stay present with that, to develop the internal capacity, to not run away
Speaker:from that, but instead fully embrace it.
Speaker:Another step is to, to learn, to make decisions from your core, by listening
Speaker:deeply inside yourself, not listening to the mother, not listening to someone else.
Speaker:Listen to your heart and truth.
Speaker:Another step, your partner and new family always comes first, not your mother.
Speaker:Enmeshment is when your mother comes first, but that means your
Speaker:partner, your feminine counterpart, will never feel fully chosen.
Speaker:She'll always be second, which is a horrendous dynamic for her, for you,
Speaker:for the relationship, for the family, for every party involved, everyone is
Speaker:in pain then, especially you as a man.
Speaker:No more in between you and your divine feminine counterpart.
Speaker:First comes her, later comes your mother.
Speaker:And a good mother will always understand this and fact even encourage it.
Speaker:Surrounding himself with powerful masculine energy that challenges
Speaker:him to rise into his true power rather than pulling you into
Speaker:performance or more passitivity.
Speaker:Don't surround yourself with passitivity.
Speaker:Surround yourself with high calibre men.
Speaker:I'm not talking about the bullshit alpha nonsense bro energy.
Speaker:I'm talking about men who have a strong identity, who feel secure in their mask
Speaker:energy, who get shit done, who walk their path, who have direction, who are strong,
Speaker:who can hold space, who have found their path and their direction in this life.
Speaker:Surround yourself with such men, and wow, everything transforms.
Speaker:This is one of the many reasons why I'm so passionate about the men's
Speaker:groups and men's offerings I have.
Speaker:Take these steps, do whatever is necessary.
Speaker:It's an ongoing journey, everything starts to transform, and you reclaim
Speaker:the initiation, the birthright, the threshold, the expansion
Speaker:that was always meant to you.
Speaker:Now, as a woman, if you are experiencing a dynamic where a man is overly emotionally
Speaker:reliable on his mother, or you feel that his mother in some capacity stands
Speaker:between you and him and the relationship and true fulfillment and intimacy, and
Speaker:your intuition always knows something is wrong, if it doesn't feel right,
Speaker:it's most likely true, then really all you can do is set the boundary.
Speaker:And when you set that boundary, many women feel guilty because they
Speaker:feel they're interfering in the relationship men have with their mother.
Speaker:But you're not interfering with the relationship.
Speaker:You're making a man aware of dysfunction.
Speaker:That is very, very different.
Speaker:The way you do these matters, but it's very, very important.
Speaker:Rather than trying to explain to him about the mother wound, explain
Speaker:how these actions impact you, how you don't feel his full commitment,
Speaker:how you don't feel fully chosen.
Speaker:Maybe even sent him this episode.
Speaker:It might be much easier to hear it from another man who has
Speaker:guided countless men through this.
Speaker:But if the mother stands between you and him, something needs to change.
Speaker:Otherwise, the foundation of the relationship is dysfunctional.
Speaker:No matter how much love there is, no matter how much, whatever care there is.
Speaker:This needs to shift for both of you to shift into the fully devoted, committed,
Speaker:sacred partnership that you truly desire.
Speaker:Trust your intuition.
Speaker:You're not interfering with this relationship.
Speaker:You are mirroring.
Speaker:The emotional being, emotionally standard and the reclaiming of true
Speaker:initiation and becoming fully a man,
Speaker:Man's power is not found by rejecting his mother.
Speaker:It is found by completing the developmental journey
Speaker:that was interrupted.
Speaker:Only then can he offer the presence, direction, leadership, and love that
Speaker:creates true safety, depth and abundance in a relationship and in the world.
Speaker:Thank you for listening to this episode.
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Speaker:Thank you for being here.
