How a Man Can Make a Woman Feel Safe
A man cannot create safety for the feminine if he perceives her lack of safety as a problem to be solved. Men need to allow the feminine energy to be expressed exactly as it is, and to receive her heart so they can respond from the deeper intelligence within their body.
In this episode, orin shares practical techniques men can employ to hold and create safety for the feminine. Plus, Lorin offers ways the feminine can ensure she is expressing herself fully and authentically, and not from her shadow.
Mentioned in this episode:
The Deep Polarity Program
An 8-week immersive journey to unlock the deepest intimacy through masculine & feminine dynamics.
Transcript
Today I'm going to talk about what creating safety for the feminine as the masculine actually means.
Lorin:I will use heterosexual language, however, masculine feminine energies are not gender specific.
Lorin:I use heterosexual language for poetic reasons and for simplicity.
Lorin:What does it actually mean to create safety for a woman as a man?
Lorin:And why is this so important?
Lorin:And why are many men finding themselves in toxic relationship dynamics, even though they're trying to create safety for the feminine?
Lorin:I will demystify it.
Lorin:I will make this really practical so that if you are listening as a man, you will learn how to actually make a woman feel safe in the most powerful way.
Lorin:And if you're listening as a woman, you will learn what it actually means when a man creates safety for you.
Lorin:And also your unique responsibility in it.
Lorin:Because this is not just about him, it's always two in a relationship.
Lorin:I will start with the common mistakes that men make and misconceptions around creating safety for the feminine.
Lorin:And then I will go, get very practical around what creating safety for a woman actually means.
Lorin:And the most powerful practice to work with this and to ensure you can always create safety for the feminine.
Lorin:My name is Lorin Krenn, and I'm the host of this podcast.
Lorin:My mission is to help you experience deep intimacy through the power of masculine and feminine polarity.
Lorin:Let's dive in.
Lorin:Most men have the wrong understanding of what creating safety for the feminine means.
Lorin:Many men believe that there is a specific formula.
Lorin:There's a specific technique for creating safety for the feminine that will always work; a specific exercise that will always work.
Lorin:For instance, if I do this, then she will always feel safe.
Lorin:However, this is not true.
Lorin:Why?
Lorin:Because creating safety for the feminine changes in each moment, depending on what she needs in that particular moment to feel safe.
Lorin:In certain moments.
Lorin:It might be acknowledgement, it might be "I hear you".
Lorin:In other moments it might be an action and not words.
Lorin:And other times it might mean taking responsibility.
Lorin:We're gonna go deep into isn't gonna get very practical.
Lorin:But creating safety for the feminine depends on the context.
Lorin:If you just say the same thing or do the same thing, it might work in one out of a million examples and all the other times it's not going to work.
Lorin:It's going to feel forced, it's going to have the opposite effect.
Lorin:Also, most men get stuck in their head around this concept.
Lorin:So for instance, if I tell a man, well, this is how you make a woman feel safe, tuck your chin in, shoulders up, uh, spine, upright, shoulders back, deep breath, and then she will feel safe, you, he might stand there then rigid, focusing on his breath.
Lorin:Okay, I'm gonna make her feel safer and I'm gonna focus on my breath.
Lorin:And yeah.
Lorin:And uh, but as you can see already, there is a rigidity that comes with that.
Lorin:That's not going to make her feel safe.
Lorin:It's going to feel forced.
Lorin:That doesn't mean that breath and posture is not important.
Lorin:Breath and posture is extremely important for masculine embodiment.
Lorin:But we need to go into the subtle nuance here.
Lorin:Something really important to understand here is that a man cannot create safety for the feminine if he's perceiving her unsafety or her feeling upset or going through a challenging emotion experience as a problem.
Lorin:This is where it already ends, the ability to create safety.
Lorin:This is what makes it absolutely impossible to create any sense of safety for the feminine.
Lorin:Why?
Lorin:Because the feminine can always feel if you are seeing her state or what she's experiencing as a problem.
Lorin:Because essentially this means that it's not about her, but it is about you.
Lorin:Because at a deeper level, you are not feeling comfortable with her current energetic state, and you then bring solutions or perceive it as a problem in an attempt to get her into a different state so that you feel better about yourself.
Lorin:This is a very, very, very deep one.
Lorin:Brothers, for the brothers listening, we don't create safety for her if we perceive her on safety as a problem to be solved.
Lorin:Seeing it as a problem, as something to overcome reveals her own level of insecurity.
Lorin:Imagine for a moment that she can be exactly the way she is, and you don't depend on her to be in your power, to feel expansive, to feel present, to feel strong, to feel grounded.
Lorin:This creates safety naturally.
Lorin:So important for the man listening.
Lorin:She's not a problem to be fixed.
Lorin:Don't look for solution.
Lorin:There is no problem, and therefore there are no solutions to be found.
Lorin:Another important thing here is you cannot create safety for her if you don't feel safe and secure within yourself.
Lorin:The feminine always responds to the underlying truth of your expression, your deepest intention and source of wherever your actions and speech and your beingness is born from.
Lorin:As a woman listening, you will sense this.
Lorin:He might say all the right things.
Lorin:He might do all the right things.
Lorin:But his energy seems off to you.
Lorin:You realize that the place where this is coming from, you feel this intuitively through your Oracle.
Lorin:Through your feminine wisdom, you can sense, mm, this doesn't feel genuine to me.
Lorin:This doesn't feel like it's coming from a place of, of authentic truth.
Lorin:And this doesn't mean that he's bad because yes, it takes time.
Lorin:It takes practice so that it becomes.
Lorin:Effortless to create safety and it becomes authentic.
Lorin:This doesn't mean anything bad.
Lorin:It's amazing that a man is trying.
Lorin:But it's just so important that as long as a man is trying, he's trying to create safety, but he's not feeling safe and secure and grounded within his own body, it's ultimately going to fail because you cannot create an experience for someone where you have not gone yourself.
Lorin:Gonna prove itself to be very challenging and difficult.
Lorin:Now, another important thing is creating safety is not a job.
Lorin:It's not a performance.
Lorin:It is your deepest nature.
Lorin:But first you have to connect, reclaim, and embody your deepest nature.
Lorin:So it's natural that at the beginning many men have a resistance towards that, or, or might see it as a job to, or performance or whatever it is.
Lorin:Why do I need to do this?
Lorin:Right?
Lorin:The thing is you have to practice it again and again and again, so you step fully into your true nature and then it becomes effortless.
Lorin:The idea is not that you are thinking about how to create safety for her.
Lorin:The idea is that you are so rooted in your power, in your true nature, in your masculine depth, that this is what you naturally do.
Lorin:So it's not about becoming or doing something which you feel resistance towards and actually don't want to do, it's about connecting with your truth so powerfully that because this is what you naturally do when you are in your truth.
Lorin:Very, very important.
Lorin:And here we get to something extremely, extremely crucial that is so often overlooked.
Lorin:And that is you cannot create safety for her if she highly disrespects you.
Lorin:If a woman is projecting her shadow onto you.
Lorin:As what she needs then, as I've men, I've mentioned this in the, specifically in the Four traits of the Awakened Masculine previous episodes, as what she needs then is your truth, your warriorship, your spine, your strength.
Lorin:Otherwise you turn into a pleaser with no spine.
Lorin:This is where many men lose themselves.
Lorin:They try to create safety for a woman who is projecting from her shadow, her wounding onto them.
Lorin:We don't create safety for that.
Lorin:Vice versa as well.
Lorin:When a man is projecting a shadow onto you, as a woman listening, You cannot create safety for someone who is projecting their shadow onto you.
Lorin:Because that in itself is entirely unsafe and means they have gone completely unconscious in that moment.
Lorin:In these moments, the only thing you can do, and you are forced to do as well, is to set a boundary to stand powerfully in their truth so that they receive the, through the reflection of your truth, that they are being in their shadow right now.
Lorin:Otherwise it turns into a dynamic where their shadow has power over you and you are just a person who is trying, trying to create something for them, but they are not doing their work, and they're not fulfilling their responsibility in the relationship container for you to actually be able to provide that.
Lorin:So important for the man listening.
Lorin:You cannot make a woman feel safe when she's completely projecting her shadow onto you.
Lorin:So very important.
Lorin:Even though many women will not admit that to themselves, what they need when they project their shadow onto their man constantly, is they need their man to step the fuck up, and to not allow that to happen anymore to make very clear that this is not in accordance with his highest truth.
Lorin:And this then often changes the dynamic entirely and paradoxically makes her feel more safe.
Lorin:Can you see the difference here?
Lorin:Can you see how this all depends on context?
Lorin:A woman who constantly projects her shadow onto the masculine and um, treats him in a very disrespectful way, needs him to step really powerfully up and make sure, and, and, and show her what his limits are, what his boundaries are, what his powerful truth is.
Lorin:And then if she can take that in, if she's conscious and spiritual and mature enough, it's going to make her feel more safe because she knows that he's standing in his truth.
Lorin:But going back to the other example where for instance, a woman is feeling unsafe or expressing a concern, or that you haven't followed through with a promise or an upset, uh, from, from the way you show up or where you lack integrity, and then you see her as a problem that has to be fixed.
Lorin:And these moments is important to allow her expression to be exactly the way it is.
Lorin:We're gonna talk about a specific practice in just a moment, but you can see here it completely depends on the context.
Lorin:In one example, holding space is what is required to create safety for her.
In another example:standing powerfully in truth and setting boundaries is what required, what in the long run, if she's spiritual, mature enough, creates safety for her.
In another example:So as we can see already here, this is a dynamic where men lose themselves trying to create safety for, um, a woman who is not taking responsibility for her shadow, for her part in the relationship, for her wounds, which then makes it impossible.
In another example:And also as a, as a woman listening, if a man projects all his wounds onto you, well, it will become impossible to treat him in a respectful way if he then demands respect but he constantly projects his wounds onto you.
In another example:It makes it impossible because he's not fulfilling his part in the relationship.
In another example:So now I've really kind of mapped out what are the usual mistakes and misunderstandings of what's happening right in, in regards of creating safety for the feminine.
In another example:Now let's go into what it actually means to create safety for the feminine.
In another example:Now, what does it actually mean to create safety for the feminine?
In another example:Creating safety for the feminine ultimately means holding spaces, consciousness and allowing her feminine energy to expand, so she can express the full spectrum of her divine essence.
In another example:By the way, when she's projecting her shadow onto you, you can't create safety for her, right?
In another example:This is, has nothing to do with this.
In another example:But allowing her energy to expand so she can express the full spectrum of her divine feminine essence.
In another example:Let's use an example.
In another example:Imagine that when you are connected with consciousness or embodying, embodying consciousness, whatever you wanna call it, these are just words in the end, it's all about the embodiment.
In another example:Then imagine yourself, right?
In another example:Imagine, imagine a canvas, a canvas, a white canvas, and, and, and, and there are all, there are dots in that canvas.
In another example:And when you are connected with consciousness, then you are embodying the whole canvas, right?
In another example:And she is the art that ex or the painting that expresses itself on that canvas.
In another example:You are able to hold space and you are able to hold it all because you are the canvas.
In another example:You're not gonna have an issue if there is a.here, a dot there, a dot there.
In another example:But now imagine that you are completely in your head, completely in your wounds.
In another example:So then essentially you are not aware of your true nature as consciousness, rather, instead you are a little dot or a little circle in that big canvas.
In another example:So now that's the only, that's, that's where she can fit into her expression.
In another example:That's all that is allowed for her expression.
In another example:That's all.
In another example:You can hold space for expression.
In another example:And if she expresses herself anywhere else on that canvas, oh no, we can't have that.
In another example:We need to fix it.
In another example:Oh, we need to fix it.
In another example:We need to fix it.
In another example:You see?
In another example:This is the practice ultimately, to embody your true state as consciousness where you can allow her an energy to expand, where you can allow her femininity to blossom and to her to be, for her to be exactly as she's, there is no response to you that needs to change it.
In another example:There is no fixing, there is no solution.
In another example:There is no problem.
In another example:There is no nothing.
In another example:She can express the infinite spectrum of her divine feminine essence.
In another example:This is ultimately what it means at a spiritual level.
In another example:And this also explains most men are in their head, in their wounds, operating from that place.
In another example:All the time, or most of the time, right?
In another example:Unless we do really, really deep work consistently.
In another example:If you are not aware of your true nature as that entire canvas, then at the end of the day, everything is going to be too much for you.
In another example:This is where the whole dynamic comes in, where the feminine becomes too much for the masculine.
In another example:You as a woman listening, you are too much for a man who is operating from his wounds and, and, and, and his, his ability to hold space for you is just a, a little circle in this big white canvas of consciousness that he's not connected to, that he's not aware of, you see?
In another example:So everything is immediately going to be too much and too much to handle.
In another example:But when he's embodying that his true nature's, his true nature's consciousness, then you can just expand and you can express the full spectrum of your feminine energy.
In another example:And ultimately what this means now, to get very practical, this means allowing her energy and her expression to be exactly the way it is.
In another example:She can be exactly the way she is.
In another example:Huge relief for everyone.
In another example:It's not a performance.
In another example:It's not a job.
In another example:Nothing hard complicated needs to be done.
In another example:It's the practice of allowing her to be exactly as she is.
In another example:That's your power.
In another example:That's when you are the mountain and she's the weather.
In another example:She's the rain, she's the storm, and you remain the mountain.
In another example:This is what this metaphor ultimately symbolizes.
In another example:Now what does that mean practically?
In another example:So one way we can practice with this, and I go much deeper and really in depth into this, in my Awakened Masculine program.
In another example:But one way to practice with this is feeling into her heart.
In another example:Because when you place your awareness into her heart or into her body, then you can receive and feel her feminine energy.
In another example:Only when you can receive and feel her feminine energy can you then respond from the deeper intelligence within your body.
In another example:We can also call this from your deepest presence.
In another example:From your deepest power.
In another example:Whatever you want to call it.
In another example:And here is the challenge that so many men experience.
In another example:Most men have a wound around receiving the feminine heart.
In another example:Not because they don't want to feel the love or have an issue, um, with receiving love from the feminine.
In another example:Of course, we all men want to receive the beauty of the feminine heart.
In another example:But receiving her heart often means getting in touch with our own deepest emotions.
In another example:So if we are avoiding certain things and certain shame and guilt and anger, and, and, and fear and pain, and we men are masters at avoiding things due to our generational trauma, plus most of us not having had a father who initiated us into embodying our awakened masculine core.
In another example:But because when we are avoiding certain things and suppressing certain things, then feeling her heart means we cannot feel her heart without simultaneously feeling, apologies, our own deepest emotions.
In another example:And whatever it is at the bottom that that we are avoiding, that we are pushing away, that we are drowning out.
In another example:So then this is where the feminine often gets seen as a threat because our shadow procedures a threat because now we get in touch with shame.
In another example:But she's just a catalyst.
In another example:She's the bridge that actually allows us in that moment, in this example, to feel our own deepest pain and emotions that is ours.
In another example:And for us to take responsibility for and for us to heal and work through integrating process, so that we can show up in our full and most powerful nature with her.
In another example:A man needs to be able to receive her, to feel her in a, in, in order to responsd from his deepest presence.
In another example:Otherwise it's just not going to work.
In another example:And this is how you can always create safety for the feminine.
In another example:Because it's not a performance, it's not a script, it's not some bullshit.
In another example:It is you doing the deepest work of feeling into a feminine, feeling into a body, and then responding from a deeper intelligence within your, rather from your mind, trying to fix it, trying to find some logical solutions or anything like that.
In another example:But of course, forget what is required.
In another example:Deep, deep, powerful, masculine embodiment practices.
In another example:Deep, deep work.
In another example:I teach all of this in my Awakened Masculine program.
In another example:So a specific example from my own relationship with my wife, Liliana, is she would pring up a specific challenge that she was experiencing at that time, and I would try to give her solutions.
In another example:Completely being, not being in touch and connected.
In another example:To my own teachings, right?
In another example:I'm not perfect.
In another example:And, um, she would express to me her upset and how unsafe she felt.
In another example:And, and I tried to give her solutions and create a tension and disconnect between us.
In another example:Until I remembered my own teachings.
In another example:And I actually felt into her heart.
In another example:I felt into her.
In another example:I felt into her body and allowed, I allowed myself to respond from a deeper place.
In another example:And very quickly, within seconds, I realized that number one, she doesn't want any solutions.
In another example:And number two, at the moment, this temporarily challenge, there weren't any solutions to it.
In another example:So it's a perfect example.
In another example:And all she wanted was for me to acknowledge her, not with some fake stuff, like saying, oh, I feel you, I'm sorry, blah, blah, whatever just comes through me in order to get the job done of making her feel safe, which is which comes from the totally wrong place, which comes again from a place of insecurity, but really being attentive, not making a problem out of it, not perceiving an issue with it.
In another example:At the moment I was attentive and just present with her and just felt into her.
In another example:Without even saying something specifically, but just really receiving her immediately, the energy shifted and she felt safe with me.
In another example:Of course also what comes here into place, it's not just that women want to fix out of insecurity, it's also that we have protective instincts over, over for our woman, we want to protect her.
In another example:And sometimes we want to protect her by trying to fix her or trying to find solutions.
In another example:And this is also one of the areas where can come from, and this was what was coming up from me.
In another example:I wanted to like, protect her from that, but instead, instead, I was making her feel unsafe with my reaction by trying to solve the problem.
In another example:All she wanted was for me to be attentive, for me to really listen and to really receive her.
In another example:And didn't require any specific words.
In another example:All it took was three seconds.
In another example:Yes, that is what it took to make her feel safe.
In another example:Three seconds.
In another example:So no one can tell me that this is hard.
In another example:What is hard is to get to this place of practice and embodiment where you can do this effortlessly.
In another example:Now I've given the practice here, one specific practice feeling into a heart, receiving her and then responding from a deeper place, which will allow you to always respond from your deepest nature, which will naturally create safety.
In another example:But what can you do specifically right now as an assignment, so to speak, for the men here in this podcast episode?
In another example:And then I will also give an assignment for the, for the women listening.
In another example:So what can you do the next time?
In another example:For instance, you notice that she's irritated and upset, or feeling unsafe with you.
In another example:Place your awareness into her heart.
In another example:Receive her heart.
In another example:Receive her body.
In another example:Receive her energy, and then allow your deeper presence to respond to her.
In another example:Because if you are truly dropped in, in your own body, in your own depth, in your own practice, then you, you will always know how to instinctively respond, and you need to trust yourself to lead intuitively.
In another example:And the more you practice this, the better you become at it, and eventually it becomes who you are.
In another example:And this is the whole idea.
In another example:At the beginning.
In another example:It's a practice in order to reconnect with your power.
In another example:And then it becomes, It becomes your nature because in truth, it is your nature.
In another example:Again, we're not perfect, so it always will, to some degree, remain a practice, specifically around certain areas where you tend to go unconscious.
In another example:However, in the, in the majority of the time, it will be your natural state of being.
In another example:And now for the women, what is a specific practice and assignment I have for you?
In another example:The assignment I have for you is watching out whether you are requesting him or a man to create safety for you while you are projecting your wounds onto him.
In another example:Watching out for that, and being very mindful of that because you can't just project your shadow at the same time.
In another example:Um, expect him to create safety for you.
In another example:It's very important.
In another example:And if you take responsibility for that, if you let him know that, I mean, if you let him know that this is, that you're coming from your shadow, that will quite naturally invite his deeper presence and will invite him to, to feel more into you, depending on his level of consciousness, of course, as well.
In another example:So really, really becoming acutely aware of where are you coming from your shadow and requesting him to make you feel safe because you have to meet him, you have to meet him.
In another example:And the way you meet him is by allowing him to actually create safety for you.
In another example:And if you are coming completely from your shadow and completely unleashing your shadow onto him, well, then he cannot create safety for you.
In another example:Another example here, if you are in your shadow, but you are aware of it and you let him know, then you are requesting that from a conscious and loving place.
In another example:And then of course he can create safety for you as much as possible.
In another example:It's always a two-way street.
In another example:Few last things I will mention here and there is, again, for the man listening, this is not a job.
In another example:This is not an obligation you have.
In another example:This is not something annoying.
In another example:Look deep inside your heart.
In another example:Don't you want her to feel safe?
In another example:Because notice how incredible it makes you feel when she feels safe with you.
In another example:Notice what you receive, the love you receive, and depth, the feminine becomes your muse, right?
In another example:I always like to see my wife is my muse.
In another example:Liliana is my muse, because she inspires me to write, to go deeper into my own practice, to create in the world, to create from my deepest depth.
In another example:Why?
In another example:Because she feels safe in my presence, and that is when she can fully drop into a feminine essence.
In another example:And that is what nourishes me like nothing else in this entire universe.
In another example:Watch how her energy changes when you make her feel safe.
In another example:The love you feel, the depth you start to feel when you feel that love.
In another example:Creating safety for the feminine is your deepest nature.
In another example:At first, you have to reconnect with your deepest nature until it becomes effortless.
In another example:There is no problem and therefore there is no solution.
In another example:Allow her energy to expand, feel into her, receive her, and you will know how to respond.
In another example:This is the deepest practice.
In another example:This will require you to face anything that you're avoiding.
In another example:It'll require you to take the deepest path of spiritual warriorship.
In another example:Now, what do you notice here, for the men and women listening?
In another example:Everyone can see.
In another example:Creating safety for the family is not a quick fix.
In another example:Kars.
In another example:Deep, deep work, the deepest work.
In another example:As anything truly profound, any profound spiritual teaching, any profound, profound state of embodiment requires the deepest work.
In another example:There is never any way around it.
In another example:And the dance of polarity, the dance of intimacy between the masculine and the feminine always leads to the highest evolution, always points to the deepest work.
In another example:And this will allow you to gain immense trust in yourself as a leader, because you're leading from a deeper place, from your deeper power, truth, presence.
In another example:And it will allow you to grow spiritually like nothing else.
In another example:And as a woman noticing when you are requesting safety, while you are totally projecting your shadow and completely unconscious, um, this will also allow you to grow immensely, to become aware of that, and work with your shadow and take responsibility for your shadow.
In another example:Now if you want to go deeper into this as a man and create true freedom in your relationship with the feminine and live your mission fully, serve the world fully from your masculine depth, then I invited to apply for my next eight week Awakened Masculine program where I teach in depth how you can create safety, stability, and security in your own body.
In another example:This program is an initiation into embodying your awakened masculine core.
In another example:In order to know when our next Awaken Mastering program is happening, or next Awaken Feminine program or next couples program, the Polarity Program, I invite you to click on the show notes or visit lorinkrenn.com/newsletter, subscribe to my newsletter.
In another example:Not only will you be the first to know when our next program is, and all the dates and all of that, but you will also receive in depth powerful emails every Friday that will allow you to take your intimate life to a higher level.
In another example:As well, I've got a free gift for you.
In another example:You can find my free Awakened Masculine ebook in the show notes, or you can visit lorinkrenn.com and under Books you'll find it.
In another example:Thank you so much for listening.
In another example:Thank you so much for being here, for doing the deepest work.
In another example:And if you feel inspired by this episode, this has given you powerful insights, shifts you have noticed, then I invite you to subscribe to the podcast to not miss any other episodes, and I also invite you to share this episode or any other episodes that you feel will benefit someone you know.
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In another example:So again, thank you very much and you have a really, really great day.
